There’s a new animated series called Chozen premiering tonight (at 10:30pm on FX) starring Bobby Moynihan as an aspiring rapper, freshly out of jail and eager to lay down some beats that are intentionally, comically offensive. It sounds like a pretty funny show, but after the year we’ve had in music, I think it’ll be tough for them to successfully parody those types of lyrics without verging into actually degrading territory.
It’s kind of like how The Bachelor has gotten so ridiculous at this point that even Burning Love can’t go far enough in making fun of it. There was so much shockingly misognynistic material out there in 2013 that it’ll be tough to top. (Or bottom? Probably bottom.) So much, in fact, that you’ve
probably hopefully forgotten all of it. But it’s hardly a Monday without a rage spiral or two, so I figured I’d remind you of some of the best/worst hits of the year, in the form of the most misogynistic lyrics from the past twelve months.
Take a deep breath, grit your teeth…and here we go.
1. ‘Blurred Lines’ – Robin Thicke
I love it when a married man and father of one rubs his crotch up against Miley Cyrus‘ gyrating ass and tells me, “I know you want it”. And don’t even get me started on the topless women prancing around that video.
2. ‘I Hit It First’ — Ray J
”I had her head going North and her ass going south but now the bitch chose to go West.”
A tasteful little ditty that Ray J wrote up to remind the world that he had a respectful, loving relationship with Kim Kardashian before Kanye West did.
3. ‘Fine China’ — Chris Brown
“It’s alright / I’m not dangerous / When you’re mine / I’ll be generous / You’re irreplaceable / A collectible / Just like fine china.”
What a great reminder that A. if you give your man what he wants, he’ll be generous and not dangerous and violent and B. women are collectible objects. Great work, Chris.
4. ‘You Don’t Even Know It’ — Rick Ross
“Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it
I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.”
The worst thing about women is sometimes they’re not in the mood for champagne and having fun, so you have to think of clever ways to have sex with them without their knowledge! Rick Ross apparently recommends date rape drugs.
5. ‘On Sight’ — Kanye West
“A monster about to come alive again
Soon as I pull up and park the Benz
We get this bitch shaking like Parkinsons”
This man is a father as well, so I can’t wait for North West to get old enough that she’s asking questions that ho her daddy got head from at Fountainbleau. Was that mommy?? Facepalm.