This weekend, while the biggest stars of TV and film (and Taylor Swift) were focused on the Golden Globes, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were struggling to decide what to do with themselves. Kim stars on the “we don’t give awards for that” side of television, and Kanye is a musician who didn’t write a song for a movie this year. What were they to do? Go to Heaven, of course!
Kim posted the above photo to her Instagram yesterday, captioning it simply, “Heaven.” That’s it. No other details about where they could possibly be. So I guess we just have to take her word for it and assume that they really were in Heaven. Isn’t it just lovely? Aren’t the white table cloths just divine? I’m not a religious person, so I’ve spent my whole life getting my handbasket prepared for my eventual trip to Hell, but it’s so nice of Kimye to share a snapshot of the afterlife with heathens like me. Otherwise I might never have gotten to glimpse those white flower arrangements and upholstered chairs. It’s simply… heavenly.
And I guess Joni Mitchell wasn’t lying when she said they paved Paradise to put up a parking lot. At least they kept some twinkly lights to keep up the ambiance.
But here’s the thing, you guys. I was kind of under the impression that Heaven was only accessible with a one-way ticket. But Kim and Kanye were spotted last night enjoying dinner at Mr. Chow. That’s a place on Earth, last I checked. So I guess they weren’t so welcome in Heaven after all. Did God find out that Kris Jenner has been exchanging friendship bracelets with the Devil? Did Jesus take offense at Kanye’s comparisons? Were they simply not on the guest list?
As plausible as that all sounds, I have another theory to suggest. Perhaps Kim and Kanye didn’t go to Heaven at all and it was all a hoax played by Ryan Seacrest to keep them distracted during Globes weekend. Pay no attention to that man with perfectly gelled hair behind the curtain!