No one tell anyone over at Girls, but Girls is done. It’s made its stop through town, but now it has a flight to catch and some duty-free shopping to do on the way out. And, when I say don’t tell anyone at the show, I mean no one. Allison Williams has been toiling away at making us care about Allison Williams, while Lena Dunham and other producers have been rage spiraling all the live long day. So, they’d be pretty upset to learn that it’s been all for nothing because their show is so yawn-worthy that it isn’t even worth a hate-watch.
After struggling through two whole premiere episodes of season 3, I’m still not convinced that I’d watch this even if nothing else was on. And that’s got to be some sort of record, because I’ll hate-watch anything. You name it and I’ve eye-rolled my way through it. But Girls is a new species of TV show, that’s somehow morphed from groundbreaking, to ground-lightly-tapping in the matter of about a year.
In the entire hour that both episodes took up, the only thing of interest to happen is that Hannah, Adam, and Shoshanna drive to pick up Jessa from rehab. That’s literally it, I promise. Oh, yeah, Jessa is in rehab. Did they forget to mention that really big detail? Whoops! But, it’s like your fault for not just guessing that because you’re supposed to expect these things of a free bird such as herself. Ooh, look at her wear flowy cape things and do all of the things you wish you could do except you have a job and can’t. And before you ask, no, she doesn’t have an actual addiction to anything. She’s in rehab because she’s “you know, a life addict,” (thanks for that, Hannah) okay?
Speaking of Hannah, yep, she is still a writer slash barista who is getting whinier by the minute; how ever did you guess? Adam still has my vote for Character Most Likely To Be An Actual Person, as he is the most rational and least head-in-the-clouds. Shoshanna is so very d-u-m-b, out of nowhere. Remember once upon a time when she was a naive little muffin who was smart, but just sheltered? Well, not anymore! To give you an idea of just how dumb her character is these days, in the span of one episode, she both agreed that a woman can’t be president because her period would get in the way and didn’t fully understand what it meant to go to bed. What what what. And, to answer your burning question, Marnie is still crying over Charlie, 6 billion months after their breakup.
And all of that is the reason why Girls Season 1 totally puts Girls Season 3 in the corner. Season 2 is even gossiping about Season 3 behind its back. And I can’t even decide who to blame for it, either, although I’m leaning toward the fact that it’s impossible to be shocking forever. So, while the random (so, so random) scene where Jessa goes down on a fellow rehab patient (Danielle Brooks) would have been buzz-worthy before, it’s just your run-of-the-mill Girls stuff now. And that’s great for the interesting TV that’s been inspired by how daring the show used to be, but it sucks that Girls now happens to be the least interesting show I can think. Did you hear that, internet?? You can come out from your Girls-obsessed cave, now. There used to be reason for all of the ranting and raving about how the show was bringing up important conversations, but now it isn’t doing that anymore. It’s just dragging along looking for the plot that it misplaced a while back. But, by all means, watch if Lena Dunham frowning for 30 minutes at a time is your thing. I’m only gently judging you.
(Photo: HBO via IMDb)