• Mon, Jan 13 - 2:13 pm ET

Can Someone Please Explain Why Charlize Theron Is Dating Sean Penn?

Charlize Theron attending Sean Penn's relief for Haiti benefit January 2014I hate that I never quite know celebrities as well as I think I do. That I can follow their careers as closely as I want, but ultimately I am a stranger and no matter how desperately I believed that Charlize Theron was a rational, thoughtful Academy Award-winner moving about the space, it turns out she’s not, because she went ahead and started dating Sean Penn.

She seems like a perfectly lovely, talented lady with a great head on her shoulders…and he seems like an erratic, temperamental loose cannon with a terrifying history of violence. Why has the cruel world brought them together? This being a man, of course, who has been involved in multiple violent altercations including confirmed attacks on strangers and loved ones alike. He was charged with felony domestic assault for attacking Madonna during their four-year marriage from 1985 – 1989, and has also been accused of OH I DON’T KNOW, tying her up and physically assaulting her for nine hours. Neither of them has ever discussed the incident, but it’s been widely reported. KIND OF A BIG DEAL.

Sean was also married to Robin Wright from 1996 – 2010, and now he’s dating Charlize Theron. Well isn’t that just marvelous. How is he getting these attractive, independent, intelligent women to shack up with him? I don’t get it. Thank god he’s rich and white and talented and attractive — otherwise people might actually be aware of or care about his past. But whatever. What do I know. The two of them were together at Sean’s benefit for Haiti the other night, where Sean planted some not-so-subtle hints about their relationship, implicitly addressing the rumors that have been swirling about the two of them being together.

He said ”a strong woman who happens to be from South Africa” changed his mind about owning firearms. And since Charlize is A. from South Africa and B. vehemently anti-gun since her mother shot and killed her father after he drunkenly threatened his daughter’s life when she was seventeen, it seems a pretty safe bet that that’s who he’s talking about.

Ugh. C’mon. Just don’t date each other, please. The only good thing about this story is that it lets me take Sean Penn off the top of my list of ‘Humans Who Should Not Own Guns But Do’. So at least that’s something. But still — ugh.

(Photo: FayesVision / WENN.com)

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