• Fri, Jan 10 - 10:08 am ET

Apparently Justin Bieber Retired In Order To Focus On His True Passion — Egging Houses

Justin Bieber attending opening of Believe December 2013Let’s cut Justin Bieber some slack, you guys. The poor little thing is all tuckered out from years of being an artist and focusing on the music and growing out microscopic hairs one by one in order to fashion the shadow of a mustache. If the kid wants to cut back now and then by egging the crap out of his neighbor’s house, then who are we to judge? Nobody, that’s who.

According to Justin’s neighbor in his Calabasas, California gated community, Justin started hurling eggs at his house around 7:30pm last night in what TMZ is alternately calling a ‘vicious egg attack’ and ‘an egg assault’. They say that said neighbor came out onto his balcony and yelled ‘What the hell are you doing?’ at Justin, who then started aiming at him, continuing throwing eggs until he’d exhausted his supply. At which point he retreated back to his house like a big man, the wreckage of about twenty eggs oozing down his neighbor’s walls while Justin got the Sheriff’s Office called on him.

But what’s the big deal, guys?!? You’ve never seen a nineteen-year old millionaire throwing eggs at a house before? You’ve never heard of second childhood? WELL LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

Justin grew up in the spotlight, at the YouTube National Institute of Soft Knocks, so now that he’s retired and his time is his own, he’s determined to make the best of it and focus on his true passions, like immature pranks. He’s got a lot of missed childhood to make up for. So yeah, sometimes that means egging houses or knocking down mailboxes or filling up his local high school with balloons. Get over it, okay?!?! Just because he’s a legal adult doesn’t mean he needs to act like one and respect his neighbors and/or peers! Don’t be so antiquated!

My only advice is that you get your head in the game and cross your fingers like the rest of us that this youthful Renaissance also includes a trip through puberty, so Biebs can get some hair on that chest and some muscles under those tats. Here’s hoping!

(Photo: Apega / WENN.com)

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