17 Celebs Who Claim They’re Retiring But Can’t Resist The Spotlight

NeNe Leakes deuces baby Real Housewives Of Atlanta GIF(via)

As I’m sure you’ve heard, since we’re all hanging on Shia LaBeouf‘s every word together, the great man himself has retired. Allegedly. After a long, productive career of douchebaggery and bridge-burning, he’s decided to treat himself to some rest and relaxation, which he announced today through a series of tweets.

 

 

HASHTAG STOP CREATING. That’s probably my favorite part, but it’s followed closely by the phrasing of that first tweet. ‘All the attacks against my artistic integrity’. See I don’t want to put words in your mouth, fella, but I think what you meant to say was ‘All the times people pointed out that I seem not to have any artistic integrity.’

I’m not making any comment on Shia’s own work, because he hasn’t allowed that to be at issue. No one even bothers talking about whether Shia is talented or not in his own right, because he’s so eclipsed that conversation with his erratic behavior on set, disrespectful treatment of his co-stars, and most importantly, his blatant (and repeated) plagiarism.

This is not the behavior of someone who’s gonna be able to stay away from the spotlight for long, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m a little skeptical at his announcement. After all, I’ve been burned before by celebrities who said they were retiring and then popped right back up in the media. IN FACT HERE THEY ARE NOW. Seventeen of them.

1. Shia LaBeouf

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Yeah I see you, buddy. You say you’re retiring now, but I have a feeling you’ll be back to doing (the wrong) drugs for a role in no time.

2. Alec Baldwin

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Remember that time you quit Twitter? WELL NICE TRY WELCOME BACK I GUESS.

3. Jay Z

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Jay has had remarkable success as an artist…especially considering that he retired back in 2003.

4. Amanda Bynes

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We know now that Amanda was struggling with mental illness, but at the time we couldn’t help but be confused by her decision to retire at age twenty-four, and then her subsequent decision to un-retire.

5. Ryan Gosling

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Not quite a retirement per se, but Ryan did say he was taking some time off of movies. Which is weird because he still had two movies come out last year, with one slated for this year as well.

6. Justin Bieber

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I don’t even want to talk about this one, because I’m too afraid I’ll jinx it and he’ll come back out of retirement. That would mean he’d have to leave his lucrative egg-throwing career though, so who knows.

7. Brad Pitt

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In 2011, Brad said he was planning to completely retire from acting in three years, and since this is 2014 — WE ARE LIVE FOLKS.

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    • Olivia Wilson

      Celebretiring is the new black.