It’s a classic fairy tale plot line: girl meets boy, they fall in love, they get married, girl becomes royalty. That kind of story is often found in Disney movies, rarely found in real life. If it was a typical occurrence, would Lorde have gotten so famous for singing a song about how she’ll never be royal? But for today’s birthday girl Kate Middleton, the Cinderella story came true (minus the whole losing-the-shoe and talking animal things). Kate’s prince charming was indeed an actual prince, and now she’s the Duchess of Cambridge.
While I applaud Kate for taking on not only a husband but also an incredibly famous and powerful mother-in-law, I just don’t understand the obsession with the royal family. You did not find me watching Kate and Prince William’s wedding on television, or eagerly awaiting the first photo of baby Prince George. Kate’s great at a lot of things, sure, but aren’t there other celebrities who are even greater? Happy birthday, Kate – my present to you is this list of celebs who could replace you as duchess should you ever decide the frog-into-a-prince thing happened a little too literally for you.
1. Connie Britton
(Photo: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com)
Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She has more perfect hair
You know who has great hair? The birthday girl, Kate Middleton. You know who has flawless hair? Connie Britton. I mean, if flowing, silken tresses is a criteria for royalty, Connie pretty much should have been appointed Queen of Earth by now. Can we bring that up at the next UN meeting?
2. Kim Kardashian
Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s the mother of a more famous baby
I’m sure Prince George is a cute baby. But let’s see how he stacks up against Kim and Kanye West’s daughter, North West. Does he have perfectly sculpted baby eyebrows? Is he allowed to play with his mother’s 15 carat engagement ring? On that note, does Kate even have a 15 carat engagement ring? I think I rest my case.
3. Sarah Jessica Parker
(Photo: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com)
Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s in a longer relationship
It’s definitely impressive that William and Kate have been together so long (going on 11 years), especially as a famous couple. Congrats, you two! But you know who’s been together even longer? Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick. Sixteen years! Their relationship can drive a car by itself! William and Kate’s isn’t even old enough to be allowed to sit in the front seat.
4. Mila Kunis
Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s half of an even cuter couple
Of course, years-in-a-relationship is just a number (that’s how the saying goes, right?) – there are other qualifiers used to measure the strength of a couple. Such as cuteness. And I never thought this is something I would say, but…I think Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have the royal couple beat. Have you seen them canoodling around L.A. lately? It’s too much! Actually, it’s just the right amount to melt our frozen hearts in this winter weather.