9 Celebrities Who Would Make A Better Duchess Than Kate Middleton

Kate Middleton pink hat GIF

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It’s a classic fairy tale plot line: girl meets boy, they fall in love, they get married, girl becomes royalty. That kind of story is often found in Disney movies, rarely found in real life. If it was a typical occurrence, would Lorde have gotten so famous for singing a song about how she’ll never be royal? But for today’s birthday girl Kate Middleton, the Cinderella story came true (minus the whole losing-the-shoe and talking animal things). Kate’s prince charming was indeed an actual prince, and now she’s the Duchess of Cambridge.

While I applaud Kate for taking on not only a husband but also an incredibly famous and powerful mother-in-law, I just don’t understand the obsession with the royal family. You did not find me watching Kate and Prince William’s wedding on television, or eagerly awaiting the first photo of baby Prince George. Kate’s great at a lot of things, sure, but aren’t there other celebrities who are even greater? Happy birthday, Kate – my present to you is this list of celebs who could replace you as duchess should you ever decide the frog-into-a-prince thing happened a little too literally for you.

1. Connie Britton

33rd Annual Muse Awards

(Photo: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com)

Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She has more perfect hair

You know who has great hair? The birthday girl, Kate Middleton. You know who has flawless hair? Connie Britton. I mean, if flowing, silken tresses is a criteria for royalty, Connie pretty much should have been appointed Queen of Earth by now. Can we bring that up at the next UN meeting?

2. Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West out and about

(Photo: TNYF/WENN.com)

Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s the mother of a more famous baby

I’m sure Prince George is a cute baby. But let’s see how he stacks up against Kim and Kanye West’s daughter, North West. Does he have perfectly sculpted baby eyebrows? Is he allowed to play with his mother’s 15 carat engagement ring? On that note, does Kate even have a 15 carat engagement ring? I think I rest my case.

3. Sarah Jessica Parker

Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick

(Photo: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com)

Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s in a longer relationship

It’s definitely impressive that William and Kate have been together so long (going on 11 years), especially as a famous couple. Congrats, you two! But you know who’s been together even longer? Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick. Sixteen years! Their relationship can drive a car by itself! William and Kate’s isn’t even old enough to be allowed to sit in the front seat.

4. Mila Kunis

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis in Soho

(Photo: TNYF/WENN.com)

Why She’d Be A Better Duchess: She’s half of an even cuter couple

Of course, years-in-a-relationship is just a number (that’s how the saying goes, right?) – there are other qualifiers used to measure the strength of a couple. Such as cuteness. And I never thought this is something I would say, but…I think Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have the royal couple beat. Have you seen them canoodling around L.A. lately? It’s too much! Actually, it’s just the right amount to melt our frozen hearts in this winter weather.

You can reach this post's author, Meredith Hirt, on twitter.
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    • Stacey Judith

      Wow!! Ok, what did I just read!?

      • shocked reader

        Utter Rubbish!!! as the Brits would say. It must have been a slow news days. Nothing against her but first thing Connie Britton’s hair is not as thick and healthy as Kate’s. I couldn’t even read the next page because this is so ridiculous.

      • Meredith Hirt

        I assume since you know this information you own samples of their hair, right?

      • Meredith Hirt

        If you’re not sure, maybe you should read it again?

      • Stacey Judith

        Look, I mean no disrespect! I love Crushable and you guys do an amazing job but this one gave me mixed feelings.. It kind of just threw me off.. I mean, it’s obvious that you’re not serious only because of Kim Kardashian and Miley Cyrus being in the list, if it weren’t for them I would not have thought that you were joking.. (hence the confusion)

      • Meredith Hirt

        Sorry about the mixed tones – it is definitely satirical! Kim and Miley could no more be a duchess than a cat could. (Not even Taylor Swift’s cat, who’s kind of famous.)

    • Mel

      I was kinda with you until I got to Taylor and Miley. After wiping off the salad I just spit at my computer, I just wanted to say WTF?!

      Also, while entertaining (I guess) I’m not sure why you’d need to replace someone who’s job is only to be classy, attractive, and fertile. Seems like these replacement candidates (aside from the aforementioned wackos) are way better suited to have actual jobs with their actual talents.

      • Meredith Hirt

        Haha the “WTF” part was kind of the point – I obviously wouldn’t really want Miley or Taylor in charge of any country, any where.

      • Mel

        I was reeeeeally hoping so :)

    • Screw Them IDIOTS

      What the Flock … Flock The Trash!!!

      • Meredith Hirt

        Are you referring to sheep? I don’t own any sheep, sir, I’m not sure how I can take care of the trash.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      I love Kate! I also love Connie Britton anddd Emma Watson!! :)

      • Meredith Hirt

        Recognize that Connie Britton photo??

    • megans

      Ohhhh my gosh. I usually agree 100% with you gals but this… is… I’m speechless. No. Just no. In particular–Kim Kardashian doesn’t even DESERVE to be mentioned in the same article as the Duchess.

      • Meredith Hirt

        Hence the satirical nature of the whole piece. Do you really think I want Miley Cyrus in charge of a country? The national flag would have her tongue on it!

      • marbear

        Me
        Why I’d Make a Better Duchess: I’m Poor and Double Jointed

        It’s quite amazing how such an inbred brood can continue to churn out such polished, pristine offspring. To the world’s horror, William chose a commoner, Ms. Middleton, to be his bride. And for what? To add more radiant, flawless, Princess Diana-esque DNA to the gene pool? Boring. If you’re going to go for a commoner, go low William. Real low. Like, American low. An American with mounds of student
        loan debt and a family so weird it would make Kate’s cross-dressing brother look normal. I’m also double jointed. How fun to have a duchess accidentally overextend their elbow each time they wave from the balcony! And between William’s teeth and my ability to dislocate my hip on command, we could have a royal traveling circus.

        ^^ My satirical submission for your painfully awkward article lacking even a smidgen of satire.

      • Meredith Hirt

        That’s it. I’m resigning right now, and you can take my place. Welcome to Crushable.com, sir/ma’am! I hope you packed your party pants.

    • Kate

      MEREDITH DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THIS ARTICLE IS A FARCE????? Well I never…..

      • Meredith Hirt

        I know. It shocked me, too, and I wrote it!

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