If you think your life’s hard, wait until you hear about what’s going on in Jennifer Aniston’s world. Seriously sit down, because this is a doozy. The dooziest of doozies. If this situation was a student in a high school right now, it would be voted most likely to out-dooze itself. Ready? Okay.
Once upon a time Jennifer Aniston had a hairstylist named Chris McMillan. And he did her hair during the day and lived in her dungeon at night and it was a great, professional relationship. But then an evil witch named Miley Cyrus approached him late one night while Jennifer Aniston was out walking around with a hand on her belly and looking forlorn about being infertile. “How would you like to give me the Doug Funnie haircut?” she asked him through the window grates. “I bet you would like that very much, so I’m just gonnaÂ drop my tongue into that dungeon and you’re going to climb on up out of there and come away with me, okay ya’ll?” And he did. Because it’s not every day you get approached by an A-list celebrity who lets you turn her head into a running headline.
While Chris still worked with Jennifer Aniston’s hair (“it smells like 1995,” he would joke to Miley during their slumber parties) after moving into Miley’s pool house, he stopped paying her the same attention that he used to back in the day when she was his favorite client and “the Rachel” was a thing. After all, how do you compare working with Jen to working with Miley!? One says, “I want a trim” and the other says, “I want you to shave my whole head.” Stability’s great and all, but it can’t come close to the excitement of working with someone who’s truly erratic. It’s like standing outside during a thunderstorm with an umbrella held up the sky, while wrapped up in old antennas and having sex with the Tin Man. Speaking as someone with no experience with that situation at all, there’s nothing quite like it.
Jen, however, is not having any of this sharing nonsense. Not one tiny bit of it. So according to Radar Online, she’s offered Chris an ultimatum. He has to choose between her and Miley. And he has until the stroke of midnight tonight to decide. Or maybe the stroke of midnight until tomorrow. The important thing is that he has to decide.Legally speaking, once two celebrities start publicly feuding over a hairstylist, the courts say that only one can have full-time custody. Or so I saw on a rerun ofÂ Law & Order: Hollywood HillsÂ recently.