Meet The Next Generation Of Out Of Control Hollywood Kids

Noah Cyrus red jacket


As you most definitely already know but probably forgot momentarily, Noah Cyrus turns 14 today. Which in human years means she can get her permit in California next year. And in Cyrus years means she’s old enough to move out, make poor decisions and get married. And/or star on a hit TV show. Look, Billy Ray Cyrus isn’t picky when it comes to how he makes headlines. As long as he has a reason to show up in front of a camera, he’s pretty cool with whatever choices his kids make. Which is why we’re a little nervous for Noah Cyrus to get any older. Between her name, her age and her father’s lack of interest in driving laws, we’re scared she’s headed for trouble. But excited at the same time. Especially when we realize that all these other kids are also coming of age at the same time as Noah. Sure some are older and sure some are younger, but they’re all totally being primed to cause major damage in Hollywood in the next few years.

1. Jaden Smith and Willow Smith

Willow, Jaden Smith

 (Photo: Dan Jackman/

The two young teens of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are one call to their lawyer away from emancipating themselves. And while we wouldn’t blame them after seeing the french kiss Will planted on his son last year, we’re also not sure that teenagers should be in charge of their own lives. Especially teenagers who’ve expressed a disdain for education since they’ve been old enough to publicly express disdain.Throw in the fact that Jaden and Justin Bieber exchanged BFF necklaces last year and our concern(trolling) for them is at an all time high. Then again, I would watch a reality show where Jaden and Justin move into an apartment together and are forced to get regular jobs.

2. Suri Cruise

Suri Cruise on swing(Photo:

Sure she’s only 7 and sure I confuse her with the persona developed by Suri’s Burn Book, but still, I think we can all agree that she’ll be a total tween diva when she comes of age. An extremely well-dressed one, but a tween diva nonetheless. Seriously, can you imagine Katie Holmes trying to give her a curfew? “Be home by 11 at the latest (Suri slaps her), no you’re right midnight at the latest (she slaps her again), okay I am being unfair, 6 A.M at the very latest.”

3. Ali Lohan

Ali Lohan

 (Photo: Jean Catuffe, PacificCoastNews)

Poor Ali Lohan. Born with the dark mark. Like Lindsay Lohan, it seems impossible that she can survive being raised (or “raised”) by Dina and Michael Lohan without going through some stuff. While she’s managed to fly under the radar so far, we can’t forget that her parents allowed her to go try her hand at a modeling career in South Korea at 18. Sure, sure, that’s legally an adult. But knowing her parents, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that they heavily influenced that decision.

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    • Olivia Wilson

      Oh, I would love that Jaden-Justin reality show. I can see it now, Jaden getting the news that he needs to get a job and him responding with some vague nonsense. “What are jobs? … Steve Jobs … paint jobs … Yeah. (My dad is Will Smith, losers.)”

      • Meredith Hirt

        Once in awhile Selena Gomez would show up at the apartment to cook and clean – but just because Justin is a friend in need, they’re not back together or anything.

    • Kaitlin Reilly

      It won’t be long before Apple is having her once a week cigarette. Sigh.

    • brebay

      Okay, this made me like Apple Martin. I hope she eats only foods that contain red dye #5 and Cup o’ Noodles and then changes her name to Corn Syrup and that the shock kills Gwyneth.

      • Jenni

        If she changed her name to Corn Syrup, I would die and go to Heaven and come back again as her best friend.

    • Véronique Houde

      OMG I read apple martini. And then i wondered if this was why gweneth paltrow had named her apple in the first place. Perhaps she got drunk on apple martinis when her daughter was conceived… And then I wondered if this is the first time someone noticed this, and wondered why i am so stupid as to not have noticed before.

      • brebay

        Ha! I never noticed that, so you have stupid company at least.

      • Jenni

        That would be amazing. And so un-Gwyneth. As if she’s ever drank a cocktail.

    • Ruby L

      I personally hope that Suri lives up to every bit of her Burn Book persona.

      • Jenni

        I’m really banking on it. Although one time I saw a video with her real voice and it was a small child’s voice and it really threw me for a loop.

    • Guest

      What are you talking about with Aliana Lohan? She turned out great. Go to her twitter. She’s a very inspirational young woman. She’s with Wilhelmina and her modeling career is in New York City. She spent 2 months in 2012 Seoul Korea modeling with NEXT which is completely normal for models to do and none of that had anything to do with her parents. Aliana is very normal, never in any trouble, is a working model recently appearing in Bullet Media, Nylon magazine and Vogue Taiwan. She doesn’t belong on any negative lists, she’s a positive person quite unlike her sister and parents.

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