The holiday season just ended, which means you’ve probably watched Home Alone and Home Alone 2 approximately 15,000 times in the past month. It’s the kind of classic movie series that seemed so fun and silly when you were a kid, but as an adult all you can think about is how horribly dangerous the whole thing is. Not only is it dangerous for poor Kevin McCallister, who’s forced to fend for himself because every adult in his life is a moron. It’s also dangerous for the burglars Marv and Harry. Like, fatally dangerous. You’ve likely watched Marv get hit in the head with an iron and thought, “He should be dead here.” According to Screen Junkies, he would be.
The folks who bring you the hilarious “Honest Trailer” series now have a new series called “Honest Action” in which they ask a medical professional what kind of injuries the characters in your favorite violent movies would sustain, and how many lives it would take for them to survive the story. Turns out, for the wet/sticky bandits, it would take A LOT of lives. Like, a shocking amount. When you rewatch Marv and Harry falling victim to every booby trap Kevin set up for them, you’ll understand why. At the very least they should have visibly debilitating injuries. And Marv has it way worse than Harry. Getting hit in the head with four consecutive bricks thrown off a rooftop will do that to you.
When you realize just how many times over these guys should have died, and you consider what might have happened if Marv and Harry had actually been a couple dozen guys instead of just two, it’ll dawn on you that Kevin McCallister is actually a mass murderer. He’s not just a smart kid defending his home from burglars; he’s a cold-blooded killer who’s thought of countless ways to kill his enemies. Happy Wednesday!