In Which Britney Spears’ Team Tries To Prove That Her Abs Aren’t Painted On

Britney Spears abs painted on proof photo Las VegasJust so you know guys, in case you’ve heard the rumor that Britney Spears is getting her ab muscles painted on — Britney Spears is absolutely not getting her abs painted on. This according to her team, who’s like NO NO NO, SHUT UP, SHE TOTALLY WORKS OUT, WE CAN PROVE IT.

But I don’t know if you can, guys. You can write out her workout routine as many times as you want, and teach her to nod obediently when asked about it, but that’s not really proof, right? I mean she’s already presumably lip-syncing and half-heartedly marking through the choreography, so where would those taut, glistening abs be coming from? Certainly not from being carried around a stage while her music plays in the background and she gets helped back into her sequined bustier that she didn’t even realized she’d burst(ied) out of.

But her team is pushing back hard against the logic of those statements and the eyewitness accounts of people at her shows, by releasing copious details of her workouts, as ‘proof’ that her physique isn’t enhanced by any manual Photoshopping or Picassoing, as it should be called in this case, since we’re painting body parts in places where they don’t belong.They’re claiming that she does three hour-long cardio workouts a week, with two ninety minute yoga intensives as well.

Good on ya, girl, and there’s nothing wrong with your body, but if you had a legit six pack, I think we’d know about it. But who knows – if you were to tell me that there’s a rumor that she also gets ideas painted into her head, I’d probably believe that too, based on her recent interviews.

(Photo: Twitter)

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    • Olivia Wilson

      When you work out for 6 hours a week, you always have the abs of a Marvel superhero, duuuh!

    • Mel

      I wonder why we should care. Unfortunately for her, she’s a puppet who’s singing is fake and her performances are forced. Her abs are really the least of my concern for her.

    • Ruby L

      I’m going next month! I’ll try to document. We could do an exposé as big as Josie Geller’s piece on what’s in the coleslaw at South Glen South High School.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        OH my god yessssss.

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    • Elizabeth Aspen

      Mariah Carey did the same exact thing back in her ‘Charmbracelet’ days when she was onstage wearing nothing but panties and a bra and some long black thing. The abs were so obviously painted on, it was hilarious and sad at the same time.