Like, I get that the guy should have won something by now and hasn’t, and that really blows, but did he have to go on television and tell Ellen DeGeneres that he was almost devoured by an oceanic nightmare in order to win our sympathies? I don’t think so. I think he and his favorite director could’ve just sat down over a plate of unicorn sashimi and red velvet cake pops (what I imagine rich people to eat) and talked it all out. After all, Martin Scorcese knows from Oscar snubs. He didn’t get his own statue until 2006 for The Departed, so he’d be a great resource on getting passed over for awards!
Or you could do it your way, with the story of a shark-based near death experience. (Doesn’t matter. You’re still not gonna beat McConaughey.) But he certainly does try, spinning a delightful tale for Ellen about his brush with a swimming murder factory.
Leo: When I did Blood Diamond in 2006 I actually got stuck in a cage with a great white, which was awesome.
Ellen: How big was the great white?
Leo: It was a gigantic great white.
Ellen: What do you mean it was in with you?
Leo: It was in the cage with me!
Ellen: How did you survive that?
Leo: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Ellen: Then you’re making it up.
Leo: No I’m not. I’m not. They actually said in thirty years this is has never happened but the tuna kind of got stuck in the top of the cage and the great white leapt out and tried to bite it and went into the cage with me and half of it’s body was in and out and I flattened down at the bottom and it was this far away and it chomped a few times, but I survived it.
OKAY. I’m calling
shark Oscar bait (HA!) on this, and there are some serious bones I have to pick with it. Ellen believes everybody, and even she says you’re making it up, plus the way you describe the shark getting into the cage is pretty suspect, like the way a kid would explain away a broken lamp when his parents came back in the room. “It just…you know it just fell! There was tuna at the top, and then I tried to bite it, and all of a sudden I was in the lamp like a genie and I had to break my way out! …can I have that Oscar now please?”