As a seasoned celebrity boyfriend, Harry Styles is a pro at setting boundaries when entering into a contractual relationship with a woman. Whether he’s at the zoo with Taylor Swift or skiing with Kendall Jenner, he’s made it clear just how far he’ll go to sell a relationship. And that’s not very far. While he’s often spotted with his December 7th girlfriends, he’s rarely seen touching them. Or in any way appearing to even like them.
Show me a photo of Harry Styles looking at Kendall Jenner affectionately and I’ll show you a photo of Justin Bieber wearing real pants. Show me a photo of Harry Styles enjoying a kiss with Kendall Jenner and I’ll show you the world. Like you can jump on my magic carpet and we’ll just take a quick cruise around the globe. “Impossible,” you say. Well don’t worry about that because that photo of Harry Styles enjoying a kiss with Kendall does not exist and will not exist.
Which is the number one reason Harry Styles can’t appear on Keeping up with the Kardashians. Sure he’s citing privacy as the reason, but as the ancient proverb goes, “he who dates a Kardashajenner is not a he who cares about privacy.” I think we all know that this decision comes down to his acting abilities. Or his lack thereof. Kid’s a great pop star and kids has a great head of hair, but unfortunately for him that’s not enough to make it in the acting biz these days. Do you know much Scott Disick has to work with his acting coach to come off as such a pretentious dirtbag? I’ll tell you, VERY HARD. Dude’s actually totally chill and totally less hair-gelled in person! Or so insiders whisper to us on the phone in the wee hours of the morning. So despite what you may think, the Kardashajenners are thespians. The finest of our generation if we go by paycheck.
Personally, I think it’s very self-aware of Harry Styles to recognize that he lacks the acting credentials to be on the show. And I think it’s brilliant that Hendall’s leaking his refusal to the media. After all, a couple in a fakelationship would never turn down publicity. So if they’re turning it down, it must mean they’re real. Right? I mean, we know better. But think off all the little Hendall believers out there who will take this as a sign that Hendall’s real. Poor little dolls, they probably still believe in the tooth fairy too.