• Tue, Jan 7 - 11:11 am ET

Harry Styles Draws The Fakelationship Line At Being On KUWTK, Claims ‘Acting’ Wasn’t In His Contract

Harry Styles waving in black and white

As a seasoned celebrity boyfriend, Harry Styles is a pro at setting boundaries when entering into a contractual relationship with a woman. Whether he’s at the zoo with Taylor Swift or skiing with Kendall Jenner, he’s made it clear just how far he’ll go to sell a relationship. And that’s not very far. While he’s often spotted with his December 7th girlfriends, he’s rarely seen touching them. Or in any way appearing to even like them.

Show me a photo of Harry Styles looking at Kendall Jenner affectionately and I’ll show you a photo of Justin Bieber wearing real pants. Show me a photo of Harry Styles enjoying a kiss with Kendall Jenner and I’ll show you the world. Like you can jump on my magic carpet and we’ll just take a quick cruise around the globe. “Impossible,” you say. Well don’t worry about that because that photo of Harry Styles enjoying a kiss with Kendall does not exist and will not exist.

Which is the number one reason Harry Styles can’t appear on Keeping up with the Kardashians. Sure he’s citing privacy as the reason, but as the ancient proverb goes, “he who dates a Kardashajenner is not a he who cares about privacy.” I think we all know that this decision comes down to his acting abilities. Or his lack thereof. Kid’s a great pop star and kids has a great head of hair, but unfortunately for him that’s not enough to make it in the acting biz these days. Do you know much Scott Disick has to work with his acting coach to come off as such a pretentious dirtbag? I’ll tell you, VERY HARD. Dude’s actually totally chill and totally less hair-gelled in person! Or so insiders whisper to us on the phone in the wee hours of the morning. So despite what you may think, the Kardashajenners are thespians. The finest of our generation if we go by paycheck.

Personally, I think it’s very self-aware of Harry Styles to recognize that he lacks the acting credentials to be on the show. And I think it’s brilliant that Hendall’s leaking his refusal to the media. After all, a couple in a fakelationship would never turn down publicity. So if they’re turning it down, it must mean they’re real. Right? I mean, we know better. But think off all the little Hendall believers out there who will take this as a sign that Hendall’s real. Poor little dolls, they probably still believe in the tooth fairy too.

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  • ash

    You never fail to write a load of nonsense. Hilarious. Are you ever going to write an article based on fact instead of your desperate delusions?

    • ash

      I just re-read it to see if it was as dumb as I thought. It made me feel embarrassed for you tbqh. Just needed to add that.

    • Jenni

      I just re-re-read it and you’re totally right. It is as dumb as you thought. I am also embarrassed for me. It’s not just one load of nonsense, but two. Two real-full loads of nonsense. (spin cycle please!)

    • Jenni

      Wait, just re-re-re-read it. Second guessing everything I just wrote in the last comment.

    • Jenni

      You know what, on re-re-re-re-read, I agree with my initial comment. I’m a delusional ding bat.

    • ash

      Cool. Glad you recognise. :) Maybe try applying that to your writing instead of coming out with this crap next time.

    • Jenni

      Oh my god, definitely!

  • whatever.

    I love when people calling out bull*hit on PR stunts! Good job Jenni!

    • Jenni

      I do what I can to be a good American.

  • Rachel

    If he’s gonna fake date someone, can he at least pick someone more fun and interesting. Then at least he won’t look like he’s about to go get dental surgery done in every picture with his “girlfriend.”

    • Jenni

      Anyone besides someone from one of our Hollywood’s FAKEST families would be great.

  • Jordan

    Harry’s womanizer image is going to turn the whole band into a big joke. It’s actually quite disgusting the way he portrays himself as this big manwh0re falling into bed with everyone he meets yet wants people to think he’s an angel too. Sorry, no! He’s disgusting, not for how many people he sleeps with (couldn’t care less about that) but because he thinks this is the best way to get famous. So fame hungry and no respect for women or his fans or himself! Same goes for the Kardashian girl!

    • whatever.

      It’s kinda not his choice.. There are two different people, real Harry Styles and Harry Styles portrayed in the media.

  • Jake

    So accurate.Like seriously.The Jenner’s/Kardashian’s popularity sinks every time.They are on a low now.Every one is fed up with them and their reality show. It is even getting dropped.So Mr.Styles has to jump in and help boost the ratings.But if he is smart it will end soon.Because he isn’t doing his own reputation any good with this.I hope the whole Jenner/Kardashian Empire is soon gone.