• Thu, Jan 2 - 10:00 am ET

10 Celebrity Diets Ranked From Safe To Call An Ambulance

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It’s been 2014 for two days and I am still sticking to my New Year’s resolution to diet. Of course, to me, the idea of a diet means eating pizza topped with mushrooms instead of pepperoni (Kim Kardashian is not keeping me away from cheese). Celebrities have different standards. Whether they’re on the latest fad diet for a movie role, specific health reasons or because they “want to lose three pounds” Regina-George style, celeb weight-loss plans can be pretty strict – and also pretty unsafe. Utilizing my completely made up degree in Celebrity Health and Wellness, here are 10 celebrity diets ranked from safest to most likely to kill them. Feel free to eat a candy bar while reading, because if we’re not famous, then who cares what we look like?

1. Gwyneth Paltrow

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(Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com)

I may be ranking Gwynnie’s diet as the “safest,” but I also think it’s the worst. She follows an elimination diet that bans carbs, most meat, wheat, coffee, alcohol, sugar, eggs, processed food and more. And why? She told US Magazine it’s “about being mindful about what you are putting in,” and it makes her feel good. Whatever, I think it’s because she’s a fun sucker. She just sucks all the fun right out of food. (Maybe this is the subject of her Vanity Fair exposé?) Every time I see her picture I want to throw pasta at it.

2. Reese Witherspoon

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(Photo: Brian To/WENN.com)

Allegedly Reese follows the baby food diet for general weight-loss purposes. According to Shape, this involves eating about 14 jars of baby food at breakfast and lunch, then eating a “sensible” dinner. If all I had eaten all day was baby food, a “sensible” dinner to me would be like an entire pizza. But at least you get to eat at each meal, so it seems safe, and to be fair, baby food does come in a lot of flavors and varieties. If “mashed eggs benedict with a mimosa puree” is available for Sunday brunch then I might be willing to give this a try.

3. Matt Damon

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(Photo: Joel Ginsburg/WENN.com)

For his role in Courage Under Fire, Matt went on a very boring but relatively safe diet, in so far as he was still putting solids in his mouth. His snore fest consisted of chicken breast, egg whites and a plain baked potato every day. Matt was also running six and a half miles twice a day, and the combination ended up affecting his health so severely that he was put under medical supervision for a few months following his role, but hey – the only physical activity I’m guaranteed to get every day is running to catch the subway so as long as my taste buds weren’t literally bored to death this diet would be alright.

4. Beyonce

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(Photo: HRC/WENN.com)

Bey Bey adopted the Master Cleanse diet to drop weight for her role in Dreamgirls. She drank nothing but a concoction of hot water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. This sounds miserable, obviously, but it’s on the safer side since the cleanse only takes two days. After those 48 hours that maple syrup is going nowhere but on my pancakes.

5. Victoria Beckham

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(Photo: WENN.com)

After giving birth to her daughter Harper in 2011, Victoria went on the Five Hands diet. This sounds super safe – five meals a day! But it finds itself walking the line because those are five hand-sized meals a day. I don’t know about you, but my hands are nowhere near the size of plates. Plus, those handfuls of food have restrictions: heavy on fish and veggies, low to no wheat products. I couldn’t fit a whole slice of bread in my hand, but I could probably squeeze in a crescent roll if it was allowed.

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  • Jill O’Rourke

    Maybe Reese got so drunk that night because she was depressed over all the baby food she was eating.

    • Meredith Hirt

      That and, I don’t think baby food absorbs alcohol like food for actual adults who are legally allowed to drink. But also the depressed thing, definitely.