I hate to be the bearer of bad news kids, but kissing’s officially a thing of the past. And before you get all soft on me and start pleading kissing’s case, check out this photo of Miley Cyrus kissing Ryan Seacrest on New Year’s Eve. No seriously, take a moment to really study it. To really appreciate the moment that kissing went from being an affectionate gesture shared between two loved ones to a contractual gesture shared between two powerful celebrities who somehow ended up ringing in their new year together.
While we can practically see the thought bubble floating above Miley’s head — “ehh, why not kick off the new year by doing something vaguely sexual that will get me headlines” — we can’t quite see what’s going through Ryan’s head in this photo. Is he enjoying the spontaneous kiss, hoping that Miley can feel the white hot electricity that’s coming off his teeth? Worried that she’ll slip that slithery little tongue of hers into his mouth and snatch out what’s left of his soul? Stressed that she’ll realize that his lips taste like wax and his hair smell like the inside of a Yankee Candle store and that he’s actually not a real human being, but Madame Tussaud’s greatest creation to date?
Or none of those things. Maybe there’s nothing’s going through his head in this photo. Maybe his handlers turned off his brain (a handy feature in the Ryan Seacrest 2.0 model, sold wherever furbies are available) and he’s just going through the New Year’s Eve motions. Blissfully unaware of where he is or what he’s doing or that Brian Dunkleman’s been following him around since the 2nd season of American Idol waiting to get his revenge.
Since Ryan Seacrest’s never met a personal opinion that he likes, we’ll never know how he felt about that kiss. And we’ll just have to chock this one up to the first real “ok, sure, that happened for no reason” moment of 2014.