7. Chris Hemsworth
(Photo: Lavinia Fontana/Future Image/WENN)
Okay, first of all, the thing that made me fall in love with Chris is how giant he looks holding his mini baby. Well, she’s probably not a mini baby as much as he’s just so Thor-like. And secondly, everyone has to pick a favorite Hemsworth brother at some point in their lives. I simply chose the better one.
8. Orlando Bloom
I think Orlando’s a hot hot hottie. Oh, did I forget to tell you that I’m a preteen character on a ’90s sitcom? Sorry about that. Anyway, what makes him even hotter is how easy he is to divorce. I’m already feeling super chill about our split that may or may not ever happen, which I think is great.
9. Will Arnett
I’m still undecided about whether or not he’s a douche, so for the moment I will keep a suspicious crush on him. You know, swooning whenever he does anything cute, but then also feeling disappointed when he’s a jerk. So, just like all of my high school crushes.
10. Tyson Beckford
(Photo: Lia Toby/WENN)
I’m of the belief that Tyson is not actually a human, but a piece of art that has come to life. He’s almost intimidatingly attractive so I think I’d be overwhelmed by it, but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be glad to date him anyway. I’m willing to suffer in silence.
11. Johnny Depp
Sure, our biggest fights might happen because Johnny’s refused to even step into a bathroom for six weeks because he’s afraid a drop of water might cleanse him. But, if I’m willing to plug my nose, I’m sure we’d be magic. And I might even get a tattoo in my honor if I stick around long enough.
12. Jimmy Fallon
Ladies and gentlemen, here we have Jimmy aka Jimbo aka the most adorable guy to ever do the dad. Every time he opens his mouth, I fall deeper into the hole of my obsession with him. But, you know, that’s not something I’m fighting. I’m just saying that it’s sort of dark down here and Justin Timberlake keeps shouting in his sleep. Please send help.
Now, the ball is officially in all 12 of their courts. If you need me, I’ll be powdering my nose and waiting by my rotary phone for their calls.