Allow me to introduce you to the strange phenomenon that is the fact that hot celebrities get even hotter the second that we find out that they’re a dad. Just kidding, you obviously already knew about that, as it’s one of the most basic laws of nature. I don’t try to understand it; I just accept that it’s my fate to sometimes describe my celebrity crushes as “you know, like in a ‘hot dad’ way.”
So, I thought that we should celebrate all of the dads scurrying about out there in Hollywood who I’d date in a heartbeat. And, while there are crazy amounts of attractive celeb dads, they’re not all people I could see sharing the last slice of pizza with. Like Will “I Made Out With My Teenager” Smith, for example. But these 12 guys pretty much have permanent spots on my Totally Would Date If I Had The Chance But I Don’t Because Life Is Unfair list.
1. Matt Damon
I can’t remember when my crush (what is stronger than “crush” but less intense than “restraining order-worthy”?) on Matt began but I know with 100% certainty that it’s never going to be over. Unless he starts going by Matthew, or something, which could be a deal-breaker. I’m not sure yet.
2. Columbus Short
Like the Powerpuff Girls, Columbus is made of sugar, spice, and everything nice. And by “everything nice” I mean that amazing smile of his which is actually melting me at this very moment.
3. Patrick Dempsey
Ahh, McSomething. So dreamy, so steamy; he could be either of those and I don’t remember which one he actually played because I haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy for ages. Anyway, just look at that little grey highlight and tell me that you didn’t fall 10 stories deeper in love.
4. David Beckham
I’ve seen enough giant billboard-sized and almost-naked Davids to know that I’d be a-okay having him as a boyfriend. And we’d have so much to talk about, like soccer (except I’d call it football for him), all of the types of tea in existence, and how impossibly attractive he is. It’s a match made in heaven.
5. Olivier Martinez
(Photo: Patrick Hoffman/WENN)
Olivier is a brand new dad, which can be cute if I forget the fact that he could have baby vomit on his collar at any given moment. It also helps if I just look at his face for, like, a really long time.
6. Jason Bateman
(Photo: Brian To/ WENN)
Jason is the ultimate dad crush in my book. I think that even before he was actually a dad, he was giving off some strong fatherly vibes. And now he’s my eternal dad crush and there’s nothing that either of us can do about it.