Just when I thought Santa Claus left me the Miley Cyrus and Kellan Lutz relationship as a belated Christmas gift, I find out that they might not last long. In fact, they might already be over. By the time you read this, their kiss could just be a footnote on a Wikipedia page about random hook-ups. But before I spend the rest of the day mourning what could’ve been a beautiful(ly nonsensical a-list/d-list) relationship, I’ll fill you in on the latest.
As you know, the two got spotted sitting in a metaphorical tree, allegedly k-i-s-s-i-n-g this past weekend. But then Miley Cyrus confided to her friends/sources/insiders/NSA-department-that-freelances-for-Hollywood-Life that she’s concerned that Kellan only k-i-s-s-e-d her for publicity. Which is crazy. Because if we know one thing about celebrities, it’s that they only kiss people for love.
Okay, wait. Scratch that. I got it all backwards. They only kiss people for publicity. Love’s just a bonus. Like “oh your kiss helped me sell tickets for my new movie AND as a bonus your kiss made me knees weak and my heart burst and oh what is this feeling and why am I floating on air?” Which is why Miley’s suspicious about Kellan’s intentions. If anyone knows how the publicity machine works (and how often its batteries need to be changed), it’s her. Hollywood Life obviously has all the details.
“The timing of these hookups are suspect to Miley,” the sources says. “She thinks that he might be using her for the media aspect of things. He has a movie coming out next week and a lot of late night shows and other places will cover [their relationship], and will want to book him on their shows. So she is very suspect of his true intentions, that is the main reason she isn’t diving into a relationship with him.”
Well first of all, well done Kellan Lutz. I haven’t typed your name in approximately forever. So you did it! You’re back in the news. I’m still not going to see your little Hercules movie next week, but I do appreciate your PR savvy. Second of all, let’s give Miley Cyrus some more credit here. The girl doesn’t do anything without considering how it will affect her popularity. So sorry Hollywood Life insiders, she’s way beyond being suspicious of Kellan. If anything, she’s currently scheming on how hooking up with him will help her headlines. Third of all — and this is sad so feel free to grab the tissues — Taylor Swift’s getting replaced as the go-to girl for getting D-list actors in the tabloids. Sorry girlfriend, but you got replaced with a girl who spent her Christmas masturbating.