We here at Crushable dot com have a grand ol’ time talking about celebrities and their antics. Sometimes, I continue talking about it in my journal at night because I never want the fun to stop. “Oh my god, diary, you will not believe what Jennifer Lawrence did on live TV today,” I always say. “What a character!” Of course, I always tell it what she did that day and it always agrees that she is, indeed, zany. And all of that is fine, because none of the celebrities that I’m gossiping with myself about ever read my diary. Although, if they did, I’m sure they’d appreciate the probably-impossible-to-reach standards I have for them.
But the water gets a little murky when you’re directly offending rich, famous, and powerful people because they can absolutely make you regret it. And, like, I know you came here to talk in great detail about my diary, but we can get back to that another time. (May I recommend an elegant evening of chocolate cake? Your treat.) Right now, we’re dealing with these 9 celebrities who you really can’t afford to offend. It doesn’t matter who you are; they’ll always win.
1. Oprah Winfrey
A few months back, Oprah handled the whole idiotic-saleslady-in-Switzerland fiasco with grace, but that didn’t stop it from turning giant controversy. And by giant, I totally mean warranting, not only apologies by the storeowner and the saleswoman, but also by the country of Switzerland. Gosh, Oprah, save some astonishing influence for the rest of us.
2. Tom Cruise
(Photo: Brian To/WENN)
For one thing, he’s incredibly rich and influential in both Hollywood and Scientologywood. But, more importantly, if you step out of line, he’ll allegedly sue your ass before you can slide across the hall in your underwear to “Old Time Rock and Roll.”
3. Tina Fey
(Photo: Dennis Van Tine/Future Image/WENN)
Tina Fey usually has a ton of power on her projects, due to the fact that she’s often behind the creation of them. For example, when Tracy Morgan made insanely violent and homophobic jokes in his stand-up act, it was rumored that Tina, 30 Rock’s executive producer, made him publicly apologize in order to keep his job. And, while that’s a rumor, NBC’s official statement saying that they’ve “made it clear to him that that behavior will not be tolerated” really backs that story up well.
4. Gwyneth Paltrow
(Photo: Karl Piper/WENN)
I’m convinced that Gwynnie knows every person in Hollywood on a nickname basis. Yes, even that barista who forgot to give her an extra pump of oxygen in her organic water tea (that’s tea without the tea bag.) I was seriously so surprised when Gwyneth successfully put an end to the supposed Vanity Fair exposé just by ringing up some old pals of hers. An entire story had to be run through a Brita filter because she got her friends to start distancing themselves from the magazine. Amazing.
5. Taylor Swift
We’ve seen the effects of Taylor being offended in the form of breakup songs and her asking why people are so mean. And, on top of all of that, while you (the offender) are busy being embarrassed in front of the world, she’s just skipping to the bank in vintage loafers.