How does that one old Aesop’s fable moral go? “They who may be fertile may also be sexless,” I think it is. Â Ah, well. Â It seems Hollywood’s favorite Oxygen network D-Listers, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, are in the midst of a post-holiday cheating scandal. Â I already know what you’re thinking and yes, I know they have a bunch of kids so they’re seemingly pretty crazy about each other. But according to Emily Goodhand (possibly the best surname involved in a public cheating scandal), Dean’s Canadian one night stand, he’s pretty hard-up:
He told me he and Tori hadÂ a sexless marriage. Â I believed him.Â He was romantic and very complimentary. He was telling me, âYouâre so beautiful.â I had to call him on his bullshit, like, âStop saying this stuff.â He wanted to make me feel really good. He said, âI love my wife. I love her so much, but she just wonât sleep with me.â I didn’t ask why because it was awkward.Â Then the time for talking was over.â
Not to worry, guys: Goodhand said they âabsolutelyâ used protection during sex. Â Because if we know anything, we know ol’ Dean is fertile and also borderline bankrupt, so…yeah. What I found most interesting about this story was that Dean was apparently in Canada filming an episode ofÂ Chopped. Â Did you guys know there’s a Canadian version of Chopped? Â That’s awesome. Â Man, I love that show. Â I wonder if they get stuff like “American bacon” in their baskets.
For her part, Tori Spelling is staying pretty quiet on the matter, by basically pretending nothing is amiss and only piping up to post Christmas pictures of her four super blonde, super cute kids. We’ll keep you posted on any further developments in this story, like if Dean also swindled anyone named “Jane Beejay” while carousing up north.