You know how people say that that famous cat Lil Bub is a perpetual kitten? Well I’m starting to think Taylor Swift might be the human version of that, because she can’t stop won’t stop acting like a total teenager.
I mean think about it — she’s on a pretty serious roll of dating guys just barely out of high school, out of all the best friends she has, I can count on one hand the number who are over sixteen, and now I’m hearing she got into a food fight with Austin Mahone, first in line for the Justin Bieber throne now that he’s announced his retirement. But a food fight? Really? How does that happen in a context that isn’t a middle school cafeteria or a teen movie? It’s like choreographed dances at the prom — I didn’t realize that was a real thing.
But apparently it is, because Austin in a recent interview with Buzzfeed, Austin got into a real live throwing of food at one another situation with Taylor herself. Presumably in between prank phone calls and studying for their algebra test on Monday:
“She’s just a super-fun, nice girl. Behind the stage she’s just super chill and likes to have fun. We had a food fight once. I threw some apples at her.”
Okay apples? No, Austin, you’re doing that wrong. We mustn’t throw heavy fruits at one another. You’re supposed to throw soft messy things like mashed potatoes and mac’n'cheese. Didn’t your resident mentor of all things teenager, Madam Swifty, teach you anything? How did this even start?
“We were tossing food back and forth in her dressing room and then it just turned into a food war.”
I don’t want to speak out of turn here, Austin, but you should probably be on the lookout for a note from Taylor that asking if you like her and telling you to check ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Because this is seventh grade flirting to a T (for Taylor).