So, it turns out that not every person who is famous wants to spend almost a year having their pregnancy tracked like a Dominos pizza. I know, I know, that’s crazy talk. But rumor has it that, like many normals and grandnormals before them, some celebs want to have kids and others just don’t. Sure, that’ll throw off my Babies of Famous People birth calendar, which depends on a new celebrity kid being born or adopted every 15 seconds. But the variables are what keep the celebrity baby-watching business thriving and alive with the sound of music. (I totally mean the legal and non-creepy baby-watching.)
These 13 celebrities could go the rest of their lives without ever having a kid and be totally fine. Because, you know, decisions based on what suits you individually… and stuff.
1. Jon Hamm
“I’d be a terrible father! I see my friends who have children and I’m like, ‘Dude, how are you even upright, much less here at work at 6 AM?’”
While we know that he’s got the parts required (and we’re certain that I can make a dirty joke), Jon’s just not into the whole idea of making any tiny clones of himself.
2. Ellen Degeneres
“I don’t want to have one. I don’t want to have six. I don’t want to have any. They’re precious to look at and I love them; we have nieces and I love them very much. [But I] don’t want ‘em.”
This could either explain or further complicate the reason why Ellen is constantly in the middle of an Internet Kid Adopt-a-palooza. Or maybe she’s trying to form an Ellen Army, equipped with flawless interviewing skills and cute little tutus.
3. Zooey Deschanel
“[Having kids has] never been my focus. My sister was always very motherly, babysitting and stuff. I like kids, and I like being around kids–but it was never an ambition, something, like, I need … I like working. That’s what I like doing. I like to work.”
At least if she ever does decide to have a kid, she’s got a very motherly babysitter built right into her family.
“You can be a mother and still be completely sexy. [But] I don’t want anything clouding my focus.”
Well, I know someone who this is awkward for and his name rhymes with Paxl Stack. I’ll bet he didn’t see that one coming at all. Now he has to pack up his diaper bag and find a new place to live, which is certainly not going to be easy in this economy.
5. Oprah Winfrey
“I never had children, never even thought I would have children. Now I have 152 daughters; expecting 75 more next year. That is some type of gestation period.”
I can’t imagine how Oprah would have even had time to care for a little nugget in between navigating Swiss purse controversies and making lists of her favorite obscenely-priced things.
6. Cameron Diaz
(Photo: Andres Otero/WENN)
“I have an unbelievable life. In some ways, I have the life that I have because I don’t have children. I don’t think it’s a compromise to have children. I don’t think it’s a compromise not to. I think it’s just a different choice.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
7. George Clooney
(Photo: Brian To/WENN)
“Even one kid running around my villa makes me nervous, so I’m definitely not a candidate for father of the year. If I need to surround myself with children and feel like I have this big extended family, I can always call Brad and Angie and ask them to stay with me, just to remind myself why I’m so happy.”
I can’t decide if my most favoritest part of this is the fact that he so casually says “my villa,” or the fact that he plans to use punishments in the form of the Pitt-Jolie clan to get over any baby fever. Maybe I just want to fold up the whole thing and gingerly place it under my pillow before I sleep so that I absorb it through osmosis and never forget that he said this.