Sigh. Â I could have easily lived the rest of my life without knowing about Phil Robertson‘s very serious preference for vaginal intercourse. Â Really. Â I never once asked myself what the cast ofÂ Duck Dynasty may think about my ladyjunk or looked to them for political or religious guidance in any way, so I certainly never considered Charlie Sheen‘s opinion on Phil Robertson’s opinion. Â Ever.
Unfortunately for me and actual poets everywhere, Charlie Sheen once again took to his Twitter account and wrote an EIGHT STANZA poem about the matter at hand. Â I certainly won’t be pasting the entire monstrosity here, because I wouldn’t want to plagiarize such a work of art, but I will let you in on enough of the rant to get the gist:
hey Mallard brained
you have offended and hurt so many dear friends of mine,
who DO NOT have the voice or the outreach that I do.
well news flash
I will speak loudly and clearly for ALL of them.
just when your desperately sub evolved ass thought the pressure was off,
you are now in the crosshairs of a MaSheen style media
(I’ll try to keep the big words to a minimum as not to confuse you)
The good news is that Charlie Sheen is very passionate about fighting homophobia. Â The bad news is that nothing Charlie Sheen ever says or does can or will be taken seriously, and to fight ignorance with ignorant labels and derogatory name-calling is doing absolutely no service to anyone. Â He goes on to talk about bull weevils and “an army of scabies”, but I refuse to explain or analyze the mind of the “MaSheen” any further. Â Because he’s abusive to women, a total masochist, and doesn’t have custody of his own children. Â He clearly gives exactly zero shits about that whole “people in glass houses” thing.
Which brings to mind only one thing left to say: Mr. Sheen,Â what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.