Because it wouldn’t be the holiday season without Kris Jenner blaring sweet nothings about her family through at least one media outlet! Â Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” Â gushes so hard about Kimye and baby North, in fact, that I’m pretty sure she’s the witch from Hansel and Gretel. Â Don’t believe me? Â Okay.
On Kimye’s pending nuptials:
“That’s two very creative minds getting together and they definitely have their own ideas, I don’t know if they’ll let me jump in.”
Oh, somehow I’m sure whatever they’re planning (probably a small, quiet, private affair) something tells me the Kris Jenner Stamp of Approval will be all over it. Okay, you’re probably wondering where the cannibalistic witch comes into play, right? Â Right. Â Well, it gets creepier when she starts describing the heaven she’s living in at home with Kimye, North, and sans Bruce “Who Needs An Adam’s Apple Anyway?” Jenner:
“The whole way it evolved has been a dream come true for me, as her mom and North’s grandmother. Â Our house is blissful. To watch Kim and see her mature and grow and turn into the most delicious mother, who is interested and engaged and reads to her every day, and if she works, brings North with her â€“ it’s very cute the way she doesn’t want to be apart from her. Â And Kanye adores both of them,” she continues. “The way he speaks of them, it is so delicious and I can’t explain how in love with them he is. It’s really sweet to watch.”
Guys? Â That’s a total count of one “cute”, one “adores”, one “sweet”, one “blissful”, one “in love”, one “dream come true”, and not one, but TWO “delicious”es. Â Whew. Â That’s a lot of hard-core gushing for just one paragraph, amiright? Â I feel like I need to make an appointment at the dentist, because I feel like I have seven pounds of cotton candy and Skittles stuck in my molars.
Let this serve as an official warning to small children in the Jenner neighborhood: if you smell lovely scents coming from her enormous mansion, do not go in. Â Don’t. Do. It.