An Exhaustive List Of All The Adults Who Fail Kevin McCallister In Home Alone

Home Alone Head on Fire

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6. The police, again

The police — who have already been told there’s a childless 8-year-old in the neighborhood — give chase to Kevin for shoplifting the toothbrush outside the store, but then give up after a few seconds. Because running is the worst.

7. The pizza boy, again

If you’re ever delivering pizza and a 1920s mobster threatens you from inside the house with what sounds like a machine gun, go to the police. I know that sounds like a no-brainer but based on the fact that the cops didn’t show up with the SWAT team ten minutes after this went down, it seems like the pizza guy just shrugged it off.

8. The creepy neighbor

Yo dude, use some context clues and realize that there’s something off with the fact you keep running into your 8-year-old neighbor around town without his parents. Sure it’s offensive when he runs away from you like you’re the boogeyman’s ugly stepfather, but maybe head to the local police station and let them know. Maybe hearing about this 8-year-old orphan for the 3rd time might get them moving.

9. Santa

So Kevin approaches this guy late at night. He’s alone. Again, he’s 8 and he looks to be about 8. 9 if we’re being generous. His wish from Santa? TO GET HIS FAMILY BACK. How many red flags must this kid throw up. I know you’re off duty, but take a sec and talk to this kid and find out what he means by “I want my family back.”

10. The grocery store clerk

Again we’re dealing with a lazy clerk who senses something’s not right, but fails to do anything. “Hey kid, where’s your Mom? You know what? Don’t say nothing. I know you’re lying. Okay. Goodbye.”

11. The Wet Bandits

Guys, this kid’s clearly got a pretty twisted brain. Don’t encourage his sociopathicness by continuing to attempt to get into his house. In fact, you can do him a solid by just backing off his house and not rewarding him for being a monster. Everything he becomes in the second movie is because of you.

12. The police, again

WHO DO YOU THINK CALLED YOU ABOUT THE WET BANDITS? Could it be the 8-year-old who lives in the house across the street that you were told was all alone in his home?! Maybe, just maybe, you should check on that house and see if the kid’s okay. I mean, these guys are pretty badly messed up — they’re missing teeth, covered in feathers, smelling like fire etc. Why not ask around the neighborhood and see if you can figure out who did that to them? Because they obviously did not mutilate themselves. Oh wait, these cops are IDIOTS.

13. His parents, again

They do it again. Even though you’d think they’d keep closer tabs on their baby boy who they left at home a mere two years ago. In fact, you’d think the whole family would be keeping a close eye on the kid considering that it’s Christmas and crowded and the last time they didn’t pay attention they left him home alone. But nooooo, they once again forget to keep tabs on him and lose him. This time, in a city. WORST PARENTS EVER.

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    • Jill O’Rourke

      IT’S ALL THE PIZZA GUY’S FAULT!

      But really, how did he not call the police after he thought he’d been shot at by a gangster?

      • Lackadaisical

        I agree totally, but while he should have called the police when you consider that he was the only one not to see the 8 year old without anyone caring for him then I blame him far less.

      • Jenni

        But still….that should’ve scared him into going to the police. All that gunfire for one pizza?

    • Jessieface

      Also at the end of the film, when the family returns home only moments after Mom – he takes a jab at her for not waiting for the flight that left in two days time in the morning, because look at that – they got there only moments apart, silly impatient woman. Um no. About the ONLY thing she does correctly is insisting getting the journey started right away.

      • Jenni

        Ahh I meant to include that dick comment. Also the fact that when the family was in Paris they were all pretty nonchalant about the whole thing.

      • Katie

        Also the moment they get home they all disperse throughout the house almost immediately. “Hey Kevin. Glad you’re ok. Gotta unpack”

      • Jenni

        Their complete lack of interest in their 8-year-old brother amazes me.

      • Lackadaisical

        Good grief, yes. Silly, over reacting wifey, panicking about their 8 year old child that they left alone in the house for a considerable amount of time, why on earth did she go racing back to find him when she could have left the 8 year old alone for 2 days without lifting a finger to try and reach him? They have a lot of kids, the father clearly feels that while unfortunate if something happened to Kevin then they have spares.

      • Jessieface

        At least in medieval times they would just send one to a monastery or something.

    • meteor_echo

      Also, if you pause the first movie at the right moment, you will see that, as daddy dearest wiped the kitchen table mess, he threw Kevin’s plane ticket into the trash along with the Pizza packages. I’m not kidding you – although, this is the reason why the airlines didn’t raise a fuss due to the passengers having one more ticket than they should have.
      Everyone in that movie is a fuckup – aside from Gus and his polka band. And Kevin, obviously,

      • Jenni

        I just saw that plane ticket gif this week….I just don’t get who Kevin was supposed to be sitting next to that didn’t notice his absence.

      • meteor_echo

        Yet another person hits the list of those who failed Kevin.

      • koolchicken

        I think the plausibility factor is how many people they have in their group. With all the adults in First Class there was no one checking on the kids. And with 20 or so kids, many of them young, they all could have easily assumed Kevin was just in another row. The teens should have been in charge of the littles and they should have raised the alarm, but it still probably would have been too late.

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah, you’d kind of think after the first go around that “Make sure Kevin is here”, “Make sure Kevin is really here” and “No, seriously guys, someone handcuff Kevin to you and make sure he gets the eff on the airplane with the rest of us and thus is here” would have been *slightly* higher on their packing list.

    • Katie

      Except for the thieves, he did just fine. I bet most eight-year-old kids could take care of themselves for a few days on their own (if they didn’t also have someone trying to break into their house or perhaps kill them).

      • Lu

        I’m not saying Kevin is the most responsible kid in the world but I stayed home alone often when I was 8. Obviously no one ever tried to case my house but I easily could have managed a few nights alone.

    • koolchicken

      I actually don’t blame his mother at all here. His ticket was tossed in the trash the night before (kitchen chaos). She asked one of the oldest (and presumably responsible) kids to count and was given the right number. She wanted to make sure everyone got on the plane but was pushed on by the flight attendants. She was then willing to do anything (sell her soul, hitchhike on the runway, etc.) to get home- for pete’s sake she was hawking her jewelry in the departure lounge. Everyone else around her was ridiculous. Uncle Frank was a jerk who clearly didn’t care. Her husband wasn’t much better. The cops should have tried harder but I could see them thinking they just miscounted and with the McCallister’s not calling back to see that they checked, of course they brushed it off. I don’t blame the store clerks because really, what were they supposed to do? Detain a kid for wanting to buy frozen meals and a toothbrush? I do put blame on the elderly neighbor. He must have known something was off but did nothing. So yeah, many of the adults in this film failed big time. But others, I’m not so sure.

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