An Exhaustive List Of All The Adults Who Fail Kevin McCallister In Home Alone

Home Alone Kevin has a gun

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I watch Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Cray Cray Pigeon Lady every single holiday season. Not Home Alone 3 however. I’m a traditionalist. You can throw all the sequels and squeakquals you want at me, but they best have the same lead actor.

Like many people I noticed a few years back that there were a few problems with Home Alone. Or I guess just one big one, Kevin McCallister is a sociopath. A deviant 8-year-old who’s able to concoct a murder trap way, way too easily. And keep in mind, this was before the Internet. Every single idea he has in the movie comes from his own twisted little head. While I’m more than happy to talk about that in depth, I think there’s a much bigger problem at hand. And that’s all the adults in Kevin’s life who completely fail him during his time of need.

1. The pizza boy

If only this guy would’ve brought more cheese pizza, there wouldn’t have been massive amounts of kitchen chaos. And if there hadn’t been massive amounts of kitchen chaos, Kevin never would’ve gotten banished to the attic and forgotten on vacation.

2. The McCallisters

Okay, I know they have a bushel of children, but forgetting the BABY of the family at home is inexcusable. They can blame the alarm clock all they want, but there’s no good reason to leave an 8-year-old at home. And fine, let’s pretend that they actually got to the airport without him. How did they not notice he wasn’t with them? Who was supposed to sit next to him on the plane? Strangers? I bet they totally sat their 8-year-old next to strangers. That would be a classic McCallister move.

3. The airlines

Ummm can these people show a little sympathy for the child who’s home alone because of his shitty parents and at least see if any passengers will give up their seats? Throw in a free flight somewhere else or something.

4. The policeman sent to check on Kevin

This guy knocks like twice and then gives up. Which is weird because he was told there’s a small child staying alone in the house. While I know the Chicago cops thought Mama McCallister was crazy, they could’ve investigate a little closer and like, maybe said “Kevin your mom sent me to make sure you’re okay.” Unless of course the Chicago PD frequently get pranked by “parents” trying to locate their “children” over the holidays.

5. The store clerk and Jimmy

Don’t you find it slightly suspect that there’s a child buying toiletries in a store all by himself. And don’t you find it more suspect that he shoplifts a toothbrush. The shop owner (who we’ll call Bev because she looks like a total Bev) sends Jimmy to go get him. But Jimmy’s all like “no. come. back. or. don’t.”

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    • Jill O’Rourke

      IT’S ALL THE PIZZA GUY’S FAULT!

      But really, how did he not call the police after he thought he’d been shot at by a gangster?

      • Lackadaisical

        I agree totally, but while he should have called the police when you consider that he was the only one not to see the 8 year old without anyone caring for him then I blame him far less.

      • Jenni

        But still….that should’ve scared him into going to the police. All that gunfire for one pizza?

    • Jessieface

      Also at the end of the film, when the family returns home only moments after Mom – he takes a jab at her for not waiting for the flight that left in two days time in the morning, because look at that – they got there only moments apart, silly impatient woman. Um no. About the ONLY thing she does correctly is insisting getting the journey started right away.

      • Jenni

        Ahh I meant to include that dick comment. Also the fact that when the family was in Paris they were all pretty nonchalant about the whole thing.

      • Katie

        Also the moment they get home they all disperse throughout the house almost immediately. “Hey Kevin. Glad you’re ok. Gotta unpack”

      • Jenni

        Their complete lack of interest in their 8-year-old brother amazes me.

      • Lackadaisical

        Good grief, yes. Silly, over reacting wifey, panicking about their 8 year old child that they left alone in the house for a considerable amount of time, why on earth did she go racing back to find him when she could have left the 8 year old alone for 2 days without lifting a finger to try and reach him? They have a lot of kids, the father clearly feels that while unfortunate if something happened to Kevin then they have spares.

      • Jessieface

        At least in medieval times they would just send one to a monastery or something.

    • meteor_echo

      Also, if you pause the first movie at the right moment, you will see that, as daddy dearest wiped the kitchen table mess, he threw Kevin’s plane ticket into the trash along with the Pizza packages. I’m not kidding you – although, this is the reason why the airlines didn’t raise a fuss due to the passengers having one more ticket than they should have.
      Everyone in that movie is a fuckup – aside from Gus and his polka band. And Kevin, obviously,

      • Jenni

        I just saw that plane ticket gif this week….I just don’t get who Kevin was supposed to be sitting next to that didn’t notice his absence.

      • meteor_echo

        Yet another person hits the list of those who failed Kevin.

      • koolchicken

        I think the plausibility factor is how many people they have in their group. With all the adults in First Class there was no one checking on the kids. And with 20 or so kids, many of them young, they all could have easily assumed Kevin was just in another row. The teens should have been in charge of the littles and they should have raised the alarm, but it still probably would have been too late.

    • Kay_Sue

      Yeah, you’d kind of think after the first go around that “Make sure Kevin is here”, “Make sure Kevin is really here” and “No, seriously guys, someone handcuff Kevin to you and make sure he gets the eff on the airplane with the rest of us and thus is here” would have been *slightly* higher on their packing list.

    • Katie

      Except for the thieves, he did just fine. I bet most eight-year-old kids could take care of themselves for a few days on their own (if they didn’t also have someone trying to break into their house or perhaps kill them).

      • Lu

        I’m not saying Kevin is the most responsible kid in the world but I stayed home alone often when I was 8. Obviously no one ever tried to case my house but I easily could have managed a few nights alone.

    • koolchicken

      I actually don’t blame his mother at all here. His ticket was tossed in the trash the night before (kitchen chaos). She asked one of the oldest (and presumably responsible) kids to count and was given the right number. She wanted to make sure everyone got on the plane but was pushed on by the flight attendants. She was then willing to do anything (sell her soul, hitchhike on the runway, etc.) to get home- for pete’s sake she was hawking her jewelry in the departure lounge. Everyone else around her was ridiculous. Uncle Frank was a jerk who clearly didn’t care. Her husband wasn’t much better. The cops should have tried harder but I could see them thinking they just miscounted and with the McCallister’s not calling back to see that they checked, of course they brushed it off. I don’t blame the store clerks because really, what were they supposed to do? Detain a kid for wanting to buy frozen meals and a toothbrush? I do put blame on the elderly neighbor. He must have known something was off but did nothing. So yeah, many of the adults in this film failed big time. But others, I’m not so sure.

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