Last night Jennifer Lawrence went on CONAN to talk about her butt plug collection. I mean, I’m sure that wasn’t the original intended direction of the interview because I can’t imagine her manager being into “The Official Jennifer Lawrence Butt Plug Tour de America” — but alas, that’s what she ended up talking about. I won’t ruin the story for you, just know that it’s likely to make butt plugs a popular thing to talk about around the office today. And you know what, that’s okay — to each his or her own sex.
However I do have to say that I’m starting to get the impression that we’re leaving the “Jennifer Lawrence is your BFF” phase and entering the “Jennifer Lawrence is your frat bro” phase. Which is cool with me. I’ve never had a fraternity brother before and I wanted to check that off my bucket list before I turned 30. Sure, sure, I know Jen and I aren’t officially FBF yet, but I have faith that it will happen after I haze myself and send her the photos. (“How does one haze herself?” Simple. Turn all the lights off in a dark room and watch all the Twilight moves back to back without being allowed to say anything snarky.)
While I don’t know exactly when she decided to change tracks from BFF to FBF, I will say that she did start easing us into the transition earlier this fall when she brought up pooping her pants on Letterman. That was the first sign that our relationship would be moving in a new direction. A more open and honest and real direction. Even though some of the old fashioned folks out there might not like it, I’m all for Pledgemaster Lawrence. Who knows what story will come next! (Fingers crossed that it involves farting in public!)