• Wed, Dec 18 - 4:48 pm ET

Lorde Calls Herself Sex-Positive, And There’s No Way This Girl Is Seventeen

Lorde attending the announcement of Grammy nominees December 2013My friend Mike has a theory that Lorde is a witch, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep denying that she isn’t. It’s just that with every interview she gives, it becomes more and more obvious to me that she used a secret spell to steal wisdom from somewhere.

I don’t know if she got it from an ancient tree or a friendly spider or drank it up out of a river or what, but there’s no way that a seventeen-year old is this goddamn wise. I have to keep telling myself that so it drowns out my memories of all the angsty LiveJournal entries I wrote back when I was in high school. Let me tell you, ‘Royals’ they are not.

In a recent interview with V Magazineit seemed like they were trying to get Lorde to launch into one of her now-patented feuds with people more famous than her, so they asked about the recent trend of pop stars stripping down as part of their music, and wanted to know if that was offensive to Lorde, who’s never done the same.

“People like to paint me in a certain way, but I’m a hugely sex-positive person and I have nothing against anyone getting naked. For me personally I just don’t think it really would complement my music in any way or help me tell a story any better. It’s not like I have a problem with dancing around in undies—I think you can use that stuff in a hugely powerful way. It just hasn’t felt necessary for me.”

Goddamnit! This girl didn’t even fall into the trap of criticizing Miley Cyrus when they clearly wanted her to! It’s unbelievable! TELL ME OF YOUR TRICKS, SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH!

(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)

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  • Cris Wright

    I want to applaud her for that answer.
    ______________________________________________________________

    abraham lincoln