In news that will astound you, Miley Cyrus recently spoke to Barbara Walters about her relationship with Liam Hemsworth like an adult. Which only goes to prove that her entire NSFW rodeo clown act’s a PR shtick. She’s a total Mrs. Doubtfire — crazy cross dressing housekeeper by day, responsible dad by night. She tells ole Mrs. Walters that she was probably too young to be engaged at 19. But she has no regrets. Because regrets are for people who haven’t gotten to third base with Robin Thicke’s penis.
“I don’t think I realized what 19 truly is, and I got engaged at 19, and I definitely wouldn’t change being engaged,” he said. “It was so fun wearing a fat rock for a few years,” Cyrus said, “But now, I just feel like I can actually be happy. I wait for those moments of silence, when I’m just at my house, by myself.”
Applause all around for a mature response to a topic she’s probably sick of talking about. But why, you may ask, was she sharing her maturity with Barbara Walter?
Well as you most definitely already know and probably just forgot, the Barbster debuts her list of the 10 most fascinating people of 2013 this Wednesday and Miley made it!!! (AAHHHHH!!!!!) I assume you already know this because this is THE list that started allllll the other lists. Before Barb Walters, we just ended years by ending them. It was all “goodbye 1922, hello 1923.” But then she entered the scene and was like, “hold up, we’re not ending this year until I tell you who fascinated me this year!”
“I don’t know Barbara,” her boss is rumored to have said to her back in December ’48, “that seems like a highly subjective list. Also fascinating comes off as slightly condescending, no? That’s how you describe animals, not people.” But as legend goes, Barbara murdered him, framed someone else, presented her list during prime time and well, the rest is history. Now her annual list is an American tradition, something we all gather round the
radio television tablet to watch. After all, if you make her list, you’ve made it! On her list, to be precise. That shiz is on Wikipedia forever.