In case no one’s ever pointed this out to you, Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson are both overweight. You probably never noticed because they’re both talented and successful actresses who distract you with their hilarity. Oh what’s that? You have noticed they’re overweight? That’s weird. Because it’s something that people usually don’t talk about. You see, in Hollywood, everyone’s valued for their work and not for their looks. You’re more likely to see the hologram of a dead celebrity than you are to see a scale in Tinseltown. Nary a plastic surgeon in sight out there.
Oh wait! I’m getting word that’s not true. Nothing I just said is true. Dammit Umbridge was right, I must not tell lies. All anyone cares about in Hollywood is what an actress weighs. If she’s thin, she’s too thin. If she’s normal, she’s fat. And if she’s fat, she’s a role model for average women everywhere….and should therefore lose weight immediately before she dies from diabeetus. And people are ONLY saying she should lose weight out of concern. Oh my goodness, the amount of time we spend worrying about overweight people should earn us all trophies. Or at the very least, certificates we can print out and show everyone.Despite the constant pressure to lose weight in Hollywood, Radar Online reports that Melissa and Rebel made a pact to never lose it. Then they also made a pact to bring Dear Johnny back from the dead. But then Rebel kissed Devon Sawa and totally forgot her promise. But that’s a story for another time. Anyways, they’ve made this pact and it’s totally real because a source said so. Also because if this pact didn’t exist, they would’ve definitely lost the weight by now.
“Obviously, they could both snap their fingers and lose the weight because of the resources they have available to them — which could include everything from personal trainers to Lap Band surgery — but right now they’re agreeing with each other that they have to hold the line and provide a positive image for overweight girls everywhere.”
See! If it wasn’t for their pact, they’d be skinny little minnies right now, prancing around in bikinis and getting told to eat a hamburger. Because when you’re rich and famous surgery is a huge whatever and exercise comes easy. No like seriously I spoke to our on-call personal trainer to the stars this morning and he was all like, “celebrities can actually pay their pounds to come off, hence why weight loss is a non-issue for them.” However, he did go on to add that you cannot actually lose weight at the snap of your fingers. Sure you can shed a few pounds if you’re an aggressive snapper, but otherwise, it will take at least eight finger snaps to fully transform you body. And in today’s busy world, no one has time for that.
(Photos: Enrique RC, PacificCoastNews.com/Cathy Gibson, PacificCoastNews.com)