It seems like just yesterday I was putting together my list of 2012 events that should be 2013 Lifetime movies. None of the movies I suggested actually ended up getting made, but hey, I’m not a psychic, although I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night (no I didn’t).
But it’s the end of 2013 now, which means we have a whole new year’s worth of scandals and WTF moments to look back on. Lucky for Lifetime, plenty of things happened this year that would make excellent “inspired by a true story” Lifetime movies. And by “inspired by a true story” I mean ones where you can barely even recognize what event inspired it because it’s been changed so much. You know, the ones they make at warp speed and release before the dust has even settled on the event itself. Better get a move on, Lifetime. The clock is ticking.
1. The Manti Te’o Hoax
(Photo: Getty Images)
We started this year with perhaps the most Lifetimey story possible. It has all the important elements, from a confusing plot to virtual lies to someone’s reputation being dragged through the mud to a twist ending. Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o claimed to have dated a girl who turned out to not exist. A man later confessed to being behind the hoax, saying he was in love with Manti. If this isn’t on Lifetime by next December, the network is really missing out.
2. Amanda Bynes’ Breakdown
This was the year everyone started to realize that Amanda Bynes’ erratic behavior was more serious than the typical “child star gone wild” pattern. After months of harassing celebrities on Twitter and becoming the butt of late night jokes, Amanda was arrested for throwing a bong out her window and was soon hospitalized and under the conservatorship of her parents. She’s since left rehab after five months. I’m sure this movie will happen eventually, if not right away.
3. The Lance Armstrong Doping Scandal
Unfortunately, despite hoping beyond hope that Lifetime would swoop in and make a movie about cyclist Lance Armstrong’s doping scandal and all the lies he told about it (Lifetime loves lies), J.J. Abrams got to it first and announced his own version. But I wouldn’t put it past Lifetime to just make a movie about unicyclist Vance Legweak and call it a day.
4. Farrah Abraham’s Sex Tape and Rehab Stint
Warnings about teenage pregnancy? Check. Examining the negative effects of fame? Check. The opportunity to reuse those very convincing fake boobs from Anna Nicole? Double check.
5. Emma Roberts and Evan Peters’ Domestic Violence Incident
This was a weird story that came and went rather quickly. Back in July, actress Emma Roberts was arrested for domestic violence after a fight with her boyfriend and American Horror Story co-star Evan Peters. Evan chose not to press charges, and they seem to still be dating. It’s still not totally clear what exactly happened, but that won’t stop Lifetime from making it up.