At this point, it’s no secret that Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner are in the midst of a very serious fakelationship. So serious, in fact, that Kendall
flew on Kris Jenner’s broomstick hopped on a plane to visit Harry in his native London, snapping Instagram pics all the while. Harry was also allegedly seen sneaking into the hotel where Kendall is staying in the wee hours of the foggy London morn.
To make matters worse and to further convince us that these two are determined to appear super serious so their eventual break-up will garner enough “devastating” headlines, Harry reportedly ditched his One Direction bandmates in France to hurry on over to England to be with Kendall. Oooh, burn. Yesterday, One Direction snagged a few awards at the NRJ Music Awards in France, even winning “Video of the Year.” What better way to celebrate your band’s success but to completely abandon them in favor of hanging out with your fake girlfriend?
Since these two enjoy publicly denying their relationship status, I decided to help them out and give them a few other reasons to justify Kendall’s London visit in case their PR teams need some help:
1. Kendall is in town for a modeling shoot called “The London Eyes”. Playing the part of the “eyes” will be Kendall’s left and right nipples, respectively. (That’s why it’s plural, in case that wasn’t clear.)
2. She’s conducting important medical research for her dad, Bruce Jenner, because England is known to house some of the best Adam’s apple-shaving surgeons in the world.
3. She’s scouting famous British athletes as potential rebounds for Khloe.
4. She’s meeting with sock designers to figure out how many different colors Rob Kardashian can use for his new “Union Jack” party sock line.
5. Kanye is planning on using Kendall as a back-up dancer for his new single, “Niggas in London.”
6. E! wants Kendall and Kylie to team up with Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie for a new reality show.
7. To confront Harry about his dinner date with Kara Rose Marshall.
8. To snog Harry Styles.
Okay, so number seven is a cop-out. I just really like using British slang, okay? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to switch out my knickers in the laundry, head to the loo, and take my arsehole dog for a jaunt ’round the block.