A Hater’s Guide To Liking Taylor Swift

taylor swift red tour

So you hate Taylor Swift? Welcome to the club. Like you, I also hate her. Although typing that out does make me feel like a horrible person. While I certainly have several valid reasons for disliking her (such as this, this and this), there’s really no reason for me to hate her. But life’s funny sometimes and here we all are on a Friday morning, trash talking someone we’ve never met.

Rather than spend the pop star’s 24th birthday rehashing everyone we don’t like about her, I thought we could try something different this year. I know, I know, change is hard. And it feels funny, like trying to pee in a one-piece bathing suit. But work with me here, because I think it will be real good for our karma. And don’t worry, we’ll take it slow. Just ease right into it. Ready? Okay!

Fact: Taylor Swift opened up the Taylor Swift Education Center this year

You would normally say: ”Of course she named it after herself. She’s such a cocky bitch. Like try to be more obsessed with yourself, Taylor.”

But today you’ll say: ”She donated four million dollars to make this center happen. Home girl deserves to have her name on that thing. It’s going to help lots of young people follow their dreams!”

Fact: Taylor Swift talked to Brenton Thwaites, which led to immediate dating rumors

You would normally say: “Ughhhh, can she ever just go out and be single? Why must she always behave like a penis magnet?”

But today you’ll say:  “it’s incredibly charitable of her to help rising young talent in Hollywood get noticed by speaking to them in public.”

Fact: Taylor Swift has a lot of younger friends, such as Hailee Steinfeld

You would normally say: “Goddamit, why would a twenty-something enjoy spending all her time around teenagers. It’s so fricking weird.”

But today you’ll say: “It’s kinda cool how she’s starting a Big Brother, Big Sister program for wealthy and famous teenagers who need a role model.”

Fact: Taylor Swift said “shut the fuck up” about Harry Styles, then pretended she said “sorry about my arm.”

You would normally say: “I’m sorry, does that monster really believe that we’re all blind idiots? Sorry sweetheart, try again.”

But today you’ll say: “It certainly takes guts to lie to the entire country about something that’s blatantly obvious. The more I think about, the more I want to call her brave. Dare I say it, but she”s kinda like the blonde version of Merida.”

Fact: Taylor Swift sometimes stays in at night and watches Titanic with her cat

You would normally say: ”Gross, she’s such a stupid loser. It’s like, get a friend that doesn’t poop in a box. What a weirdo.”

But today you’ll say: “It takes a mature adult to stay in on a weekend night when all the other famous people her age are out making irresponsible decisions. Good for her for avoiding that scene.”

Fact: Taylor Swift stuck her tongue out at Jelena kissing

You would normally say: “Grow up girlfriend, quit being a jealous jelly face about your best friend being in a relationship.”

But today you’ll say: “Wow, Taylor sure had some foresight when it came to Justin Bieber. Turns out he’s a total dickwad after all! If only Selena had listened to her best friend…”

Fact: Taylor Swift dresses very casually at her own concerts

You would normally say: “I didn’t pay all this money to watch you prance about the stage in your pajamas. Go home, get dressed and wear something more expensive than my house please.”

But today you’ll say: “That’s so neat that she’s so down to earth! It’s just kinda refreshing to see that a celebrity and I both have the same taste when it comes to the Gap.”

Fact: Taylor Swift is friends with Ellen DeGeneres

You would normally say: “What black magic did she use to convince Ellen that they should be friends? No really, because I don’t remember her being in Slytherin, but something’s not quite right here.”

But today you’ll say: “There certainly must be something redeeming about if Ellen, the Ellen, likes her. I’ll have to work harder to figure it out.”

And there you go folks, now you like Taylor Swift! Okay, maybe you don’t like her. But you don’t hate her as much? Maybe?

(GIF: Tumblr)

Share This Post:
    • Olivia Wilson

      She also makes good music. So, while I usually hate-listen to her songs, today I will listen-listen to them.

      • Jenni

        That’s a good one to add to the list!

    • AlarTruve

      Good effort. But what is this about her pretending she said “sorry about my arm”? She never pretended anything. In fact she never addressed it. Ed cleared it and said she indeed said “stfu” but to Selena who was doubting about her chances to win.

      And those “valid” reasons to hate her. Lmao. So clueless…

      • Jenni

        So you liked the article?

    • http://gabrielle2lastnames.tumblr.com/ Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

      Nahhhh. Still hate her. But I do reluctantly admit that she’s been looking fierce as all hell at all of these recent awards shows. That means I still get my karma points, right?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Even her splatter paint Union Jack dress at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show?

      • http://gabrielle2lastnames.tumblr.com/ Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        All right. Since you clearly want me to lose said karma points before we can even call ourselves “friends”. I actually don’t watch things that involve Taylor earning money off of me. I’ll wait until I can watch it illegally online. I didn’t see the Jonas Brothers concert movie for like six months and they’re my EVERYTHING. I refuse to let her earn royalties off of me.

        Also, I didn’t watch the VS Fashion Show because I couldn’t stand to watch her give me a whole bunch of “I’m-Totally-A-Fantastic-Performer” over the top head and body movements while giving me a completely shitty performance. In short: I low-key avoid her like the plague.

      • Amy

        Lol, her performance on the VS fashion show was a little over the top, with her head and body movements. But her vocals were spot on, she’s improved a lot.

        Also seemed like she was having a great time, which I personally found super enjoyable to watch. It’s on youtube if you’re curious/interested in more karma points. :)

      • Ann G.

        yes, her live vocals have improved since the 2010 Grammy’s. (it was just unbearably harsh, shaky and off key before) i give her props for that

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Oh I wasn’t calling you out! I just wanted to know what your opinion on that outfit was!

      • http://gabrielle2lastnames.tumblr.com/ Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

        Oh no. It was REALLLLL rough in that “WTF am I looking at” kind of way. I looked it up right after you said something. I literally don’t understand the British theme. Maybe that was a theme of the night that I just didn’t care to look up but…. Meh.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Maybe it was ‘Boobs & Brits’.

    • Lilac Parr

      If you feel like you are a victim of a lousy relationship, her songs should be included in your playlist.
      British solar

    • Ann G.

      she wins every award you can think of and every day you hear about a new achievement, a new cool thing she’s doing..like meeting Prince William (and now apparently going to meet Kate too) oh and getting nominated for Grammy’s album of the year AGAIN, and a golden globe nomination and being presented an award by EIGHT country super stars when she’s only 23. i don’t care what she’s achieved, who else in history has been presented an award by so many legends?? not even michael jackson! i don’t hate her and i try to focus on her good qualities and ignore the other stuffs..like looking bitchy with her evil eyes and super red lips on the red carpet. (oh and she really can’t dance at all, sometimes she’s just embarrassing herself in front of everyone with her ‘dance moves’ and hip swinging, which i look away and try to not look at it) but it gets annoying the amount of award and recognitions she gets. it’s like the world is made for her to win.

    • AJ

      I really hope “Penis Magnet” is the name of Taylor’s next album.

    • frank ford

      Wow, Jenni Maier is a pathetic bitch! Your ugly ass is obsessed with Taylor Swift! Find a bridge and jump, pathetic slut!

    • frank ford

      Grab tail pipe and get to sucking fat slut Maier!

      • Jenni

        Should I jump off the bridge first? I’m up for both, I’m just trying to figure out the best way to go about it.

    • Knows self

      Wow…it seems there are a lot of commenters who wish they were Taylor Swift. But since you’re not, you have to bash her. Do you all react the same way to those people you wish you were? You should really focus on your life…not someone else’s. If you don’t like an artist, don’t buy their music. That will teach them for being talented.

    • Pingback: Taylor Swift Awkwardly Dances at Award Shows on Purpose()