• Fri, Dec 13 - 1:38 pm ET

Cruel Intentions Is The Most Messed Up Teen Movie Ever Made

cruel intentions incest

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Anyways, Sebastian sets off on his mission while his sister sets out to destroy a girl’s life. Meet Cecile (Selma Blair), she’s the woman who stole Kathryn’s boyfriend away from her. Which is funny because she has the mentality of a five-year-old. (Insert a record scratch here.) Yes, a five-year-old. She dresses and acts like a young child. It’s supposed to be funny, but instead just comes off as so incredibly weird. Can’t this movie have ONE character who’s in a normal, consensual relationship? No? Okay, finnneee.

Back to Sebastian and Annette. She’s staying with his aunt (sure, go with it) and he travels out to spend time with her. But his seduction plans fails right away because Cecile’s mother warned Annette that Sebastian’s a little turd. Angry that Cecile’s mom ruined his plan, he sets out to ruin her daughter’s life. Cue an awkward oral sex scene between Sebastian and Cecile — who you might remember has the brain capacity of a flea. Like maybe her mom should spend more time at home with her and less time trash talking high school students.

Feeling more confident about his ability to ruin lives, Sebastian goes back to Annette and succeeds at making her fall in love with him. But twist, he falls in love with her. It’s extremely romantic until you remember why they met. And that the original prize for seducing her was getting to sleep with his step-sister.

Except ANOTHER twist, when Kathryn offers up his prize for sleeping with Annette, Sebastian refuses it. You see, he’s met someone who’s not related to him and he’s kind of into it more. Naturally Kathryn flips a shit. How dare her step-brother not want to put it in her! HOW DARE HE!?

Queue up “Bittersweet Symphony” here please….

So long story short, she sets up a fight between him and Cecile’s paramour which ends with Sebastian getting hit by traffic and dying. But don’t worry, Sebastian tells Annette he loves her right before he dies. And it’s all very romantic and Nicholas Sparks and WTF rolled up into one. While Kathryn’s pretty pleased with herself, her pleasure doesn’t last for long. Annette and Cecile distribute Sebastian’s diary to all the students at school and GASP, it has all the details about what a psycho Kathryn is. Because in addition to being a seductive sociopath, Sebastian’s also very good at writing everything down. It also gets revealed that she keeps cocaine in the cross she wears around her neck. Obviously she gets in trouble with the school (but not wither her parents, they’re still completely MIA) and Annette gets to drive around in Sebastian’s jaguar laughing to herself about the summer she fell in love, lost her virginity and subsequently lost the love of her life.

Moral of the story? I don’t know guys. Don’t hit on your stepsister if you don’t really want to sleep with her?

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  • Monty

    Yeah…whoever thought Dangerous Liaisons would be a good teen movie must have also been the same person who thought Notre-Dame de Paris would make an awesome kid movie because I cannot imagine those decisions were made independently of one another.

    Someone just likes adopting French literature in the most inappropriate ways possible.

  • Anon

    Clueless joined in on the step-sibling grossness. What makes it worse is he keeps calling cher’s dad dad, and her dad keeps referring to him as her brother.

    • Jenni

      Ew, I know. I never picked up on the problems with their relationship until I was older. But I still excuse it because Paul Rudd.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      God you people are so funny and so clueless and so yesterday.

  • Maria McKee

    I love Dangerous Liaisons. And, I loved Cruel Intentions.

  • Jay Dee

    I was like 8 when I first watched this movie. Don’t ask me why an 8 year old was watching it; I shared a room with my older sister who liked to torture me by playing creepy/age-inappropriate movies at night because she knew I have slight insomnia and would not be able to sleep through them and would be forced to watch them. But that’s not the point, the point is this movie made 8-year old me cry. And not the way titanic made me cry. More like a creeped out “I don’t think I should be watching this” kind of crying. Needless to say I’ve never forgotten this movie. But despite the ridiculousness, for some strange reason, I actually love this movie…

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      Did you have a brother and a secret with your brother?

  • CrazyLogic

    …that movie is for teens? I thought it was for grownups, but about teens…

    • Jenni

      Blockbuster never stopped me from renting it on repeat in middle school.

  • BioChemGirl

    You forgot the most disturbing aspect of the bet. And I quote –

    Kathryn: “You can put it anywhere . . .”

    I don’t even have the words. BUT, I still completely love this movie. It’s one of my secret shames . . .

    • Jenni

      AHH I know! Who felt the need to write that line into the script?

  • Eileen

    It really isn’t incest – if it makes you feel any better, I distinctly remember Kathryn saying something to the effect of, “I’ll give you what you’ve wanted since our parents got married” – implying they’ve only been step-siblings for a couple of years, max. That’s not Flowers in the Attic-level incest. It’s not even ghostwritten V.C. Andrews-level incest.

    • Jenni

      It’s not technically incest…but still….you’re both very good-looking people who can clearly have sex with people aren’t in your family.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      Let me explain through Lou Andreas Salome and Delauze: There was no such thing as incest UNTIL brothers got it in their heads that sisters could be turned into commodities and traded with other tribes – for other women – to form alliances between the two tribes. The FIRST incest prohibition was between brother and sister. The brother sho “deflowered” his sister rendered her unfit to be a commodity. In other words he wanted to keep her, not turn her into a poker chip to be traded. Cleopatra was the most cultured woman of her time, speaking all 12 or so dialects up and down the Nile, knowing all the exports, and a war strategist for Caesar and Antony. She was the daughter of a brother and sister, who were children of a brother and sister in their dynasty.

      Aren’t you glad Cleopatra’s parents didn’t find anyone not related who was attractive? You wouldn’t have that story to gossip over.

    • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

      Correct. I knew a couple who were married whose parents had gotten married and were not related. They were very happy.

  • Mykonos

    This article is a bit pointless since they are not siblings. Anyways, I just have to say that I really love this movie. I’ve first seen it when I was 9 and it just fascinated me, I was obessed for a while, and I absolutely do not think I was too young to see it. Needless to say, it’s not the greatest movie of all time, but that’s not the point.

  • Meredith Hirt

    PLUS there’s the whole Cecile having an affair with her cello (or whatever) teacher who is not only older (in literal age and mentality age) but is also a different race and her mother can’t handle it. And Kathryn teaching Cecile how to make out while having a picnic in public.

  • Meredith Hirt

    PLUS there’s the whole Cecile having an affair with her cello (or whatever) teacher who is not only older (in literal age and mentality age) but is also a different race and her mother can’t handle it. And Kathryn teaching Cecile how to make out while having a picnic in public.

  • nwgsmom

    Definitely this movie made the whole thing super creepy and weird, but then consider Drive Me Crazy and CLueless in which the step siblings (or soon to be step siblings) end up together, making out, etc. and you are like Awwww!

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