• Wed, Dec 11 - 11:49 am ET

Selena Gomez Struggling To Find Love, Having Lots Of Sex In The Meantime

Selena Gomez singing love song

Just because she’s young, beautiful, famous, talented and successful doesn’t mean that Selena Gomez finds dating any easier that you. Turns out that everyone struggles when they’re trying to find the one — or even the one until the real one. Sex on the other hand comes pretty naturally to her.

“Hello,” she says to no one in particular, “I’d like one sex please.”

“Coming right up,” responds the Universe immediately, “would you like that to stay or go?”

“You know what, I’ll treat myself. I’ll take one to stay and wrap up the other one to go.”

“Very well then Ms. Gomez, we’ll have both to you right away. “

Or at least I’m assuming that sex comes that easily for her based on this recent Instagram photo that she shared.

While at first I sympathized with her plight, I then went back and reread it. And holy humblebrag girl! Way to throw it out that fun fact about yourself. What’s next?

“Since making money has become easier, financial advisers that you can trust are harder to find.”

or

“Since being invited to premieres has become easier, designer dresses that are perfect are harder to find.”

On the other hand, you go Glen CoCo! She not only survived the Disney Channel with her soul intact, but she also survived a relationship with Justin Bieber. She deserves all the sex. It’s the least the Universe can do after making Jelena a thing. And you know, since I’m feeling generous today, I’ll also say that she deserves true love too. There, I said it and now, if all my witchcraft classes are paying off, it will happen.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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  • Kate McGarry

    I kind of thought the opposite – I thought it was more of a “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” sentiment. Like SHE personally isn’t having lots of sex (because duh she’s not like those other slutbags who have sex *gasp*) but more girls nowadays are, uh, “offering up” sex more willingly because our society in general has become more pornified, and so guys aren’t interested in finding true love because they’re getting what they want without having to put in the effort of having a real relationship. Or so this picture alleges. I think the more likely angle on this story is “OMG DID JELENA BREAK UP BC SHE WOULDN’T PUT OUT???!?!?!”

    The horror.

    • Jenni

      As a strong cow supporter, I always buy them. Free milk be damned. But that’s my farm background.

      But yes, I see what you’re saying. I’m intrigued.

  • guest

    I read a quote somewhere along the lines of “this generation is terrible at dating, but good at getting laid”. I think it’s the same sort of sentiment, it’s easier to find sex than it is to find someone interested in a relationship. I don’t think it’s meant as a put down to people who want just the sex, but more of an observation?

  • Olin Pinn

    I don’t think she meant it that way.
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  • Tui Moie

    Actually, you don’t have to get a new date after you split up with your ex. I think Selena is still enjoying her single-hood. And this post on instagram don’t really mean a thing.
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  • slider113

    I would give Selena all the sex she wants. :D