I’m not sure what I’m reading right now, but if I understand this interview correctly, Jennifer Aniston is saying that her marriage to Brad Pitt was ‘awkward’. GIRL LET ME GO AHEAD AND DISAGREE BECAUSE HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!? Sure, I have exactly zero personal experience in this field, but I have gazed upon Brad’s face and I have not found it lacking. Plus, your marriage was one of the formative events of my young life, so please don’t destroy my childhood by acting like it was built on a lie.
Jen spoke with Parade recently about how totally awesome her life has been lately, now that according to headlines, she’s slightly less alone and slightly less barren in the arms of her fiance, Justin Theroux. Obviously her life can’t be anywhere close to actually enjoyable, since there’s no child in it, but they wanted to know if there was anything that she knows now, at forty-four, that she didn’t know at age twenty-five.
“That there’s nothing to worry about — although I don’t think I had a care in the world at 25, either. That all started in my thirties, my awkward phase.”
I’m sorry, WHAT. I’m gonna stop you right there because I don’t know if you know this, but you were married to Brad during that period and it was GLORIOUS. You got married in 2000 when you were thirty-one, and every moment of it was fabulous because the two of you were beautiful and sun-kissed and well-matched. And I refuse to believe otherwise, because I watched it from the outside and that’s all the information I need. Plus you were filming Friends during that time, so your life could not have been better. I am the expert on these things.
“I’m a little bit of a late bloomer! But it doesn’t matter to me because it just gets better. They do say youth is wasted on the young, but I feel just as youthful now – if not more – than I did when I was 25. I’m more in my body; I’m more in my mind. Life is full. Life is wonderful. We’re very, very fortunate.”
You think your life is better now? You like things better now that people are STILL talking about Team Aniston vs. Team Jolie and speculating on your baby bump and putting you in movies like Meet The Millers? That is what you like? Girl, you have a way different idea of your life than I do, and I’ma need you to fix that post-haste and do it my way.