Okay I’ve bought grocery provisions, taped my windows, sold all my possessions, and written a living will, so I guess all that’s left to do is just tell you the bad news — Harry Styles might be leaving One Direction.
You might say I’m crazy for going to all those lengths before we even got official confirmation on this, but I don’t think so. I don’t think there’s any such thing as an overreaction to this news. If anything, I’m underreacting, because this is just the worst. Just days after filling my soul with glee with the rumor that the band might get their own reality show together, I’m now hearing that there might not even be a band anymore, because Harry’s gonna bust out on his own now that Midnight Memories is out and kicking ass.
“Harry really wants to record his own stuff and put out in album now that this one is done. Trust me, he’s going to do it.”
I do! I do trust you, anonymous source speaking to Hollywood Life! I’ve never trusted anyone more in my life! Especially after they tell me that Harry stayed at a different hotel than the rest of the guys when they were in New York City for Saturday Night Live last weekend and that he might leave the band as soon as 2014. WHAT. That’s next year, Harry! That’s twenty-one days from now, at the earliest! What new devilry is this?
You promised me that nothing would ever change and things would always stay the same and that even though you’re knee-deep in fakelationships right now, one day you and I can be together and live in a big house with all your bandmates and grow old together!
These are all real things that you promised me, Harry, don’t you remember? Well regardless, tell your rep to quit denying that you’re gonna start working on a solo album, because it won’t stop me from putting my apartment on eBay. There, I did it. Now I’m officially ready for the 1D apocalypse that we all know is coming.