Amy Poehler Would Like You To Tuck Your Vagina Away, Please And Thank You

Amy Poehler saying what

Every time Amy Poehler opens her mouth, an angel gets a set of wings. And a general feeling of empowerment and self worth. You do not want to mess with an angel who has a healthy self-esteem. Trust me on that one.

The star recently chatted with Paper Mag about her career and her life and her thoughts on the food at the restaurant they ate in. While I could easily just copy and paste the whole amazing interview right here, I won’t. I know how you Internet folk hate seeing so many words smushed in the same place together. “Where are the list numbers,” you cry, “and the little moving picture people?” So yeah, no worries. We’ll just do one quickie quote. It’s about privacy and our society’s relatively new need to take photos of every single little moment.

And don’t expect to be voyeuristically peeking at backstage and after-party selfies of Poehler on the night of the Golden Globes. “The amount of Instagram selfies seems crazy out-of-control,” she says. “The idea of, ‘This is my face and everyone needs to see it all the time,’ is so far from the privacy that people used to seek. Now everyone acts the way ’80s performance artists used to act. Everybody’s Karen Finley. Everybody’s like, ‘This is my vagina! I’m gonna put shit all over me and take pictures!’

While I honestly would love to see backstage photos of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey at the 2014 Golden Globe Awards, I obvi see what she’s saying. We all know waayyy too much about each other. And the more we know, the creepier it gets. For everyone. I know I’m not the only person who runs into a casual acquaintance on the street and gives her the DL on her own life.

“That party looked awesome! I saw it on Instagram and was like OMG, whoa. Was it your boyfriend’s party? Also is that guy in that other photo your boyfriend? No? Okay, I wasn’t sure because he was also in all your vacation photos on Facebook. Oooo also, I wanted to ask, but felt weird doing it, did you get fired. I saw that you removed your employer but didn’t replace it yet! Ouch! Also so sorry about your dog dying!”

I also know I’m not the only person who feels like a prude when she sees celebrity vaginas. On one hand, I’m totally cool with nudity. No slut shaming up in here! Bring it on! This modern lady loves it! On the other hand, I’m not. I just wanted to watch an awards show. I didn’t know that seeing you naked would be part of the deal. Why does saying that make me feel like I’m Rose’s mother in the Titanic, tightening her corset and demanding she stay proper!? Ugh, brain get on the same page with yourself.

But yeah, everyone should just mind Amy Poehler and keep their private stuff private. Trust me, and more importantly trust Amy when it comes to this stuff. The world will be a better, happier place if we don’t know everything about everyone.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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