Deck the halls and break out your best “ho ho ho” jokes. Christmas is here again, and that means it’s time for some quality seasonal twerking from one Miley Cyrus. What does the girl who’s twerked everywhere and on everything, including Beetlejuice, do this time of year? She twerks on Santa Claus, of course. The fa la la la lewd performance took place at KIIS FM’s Jingle Ball at the Staples Center in Los Angeles this past Friday night.
In case you saw the name Santa Claus and started to read this post aloud to a small child as if it’s a children’s book, let’s make it clear that it was not the real Santa Claus on whose crotch Miley was gyrating. It was an imposter in a sloppy undershirt and John Lennon sunglasses. The real Santa Claus is in the North Pole happily married to Mrs. Claus and working away on this year’s Christmas presents. Or, if you’re reading this to a child in a mall, Santa’s right over there taking gift requests and posing for pictures.
The Daily Mail reports that Miley took things even further (because duh) by grabbing onto a candy cane “conspicuously nestled between the bearded man’s legs” backstage and also by grabbing a backup dancer’s boob. And she also grabbed Kathy Griffin’s butt when she ran into her on the red carpet. Basically just a lot of grabbing going on.
As you can see from the photo above, Miley wasn’t so wild and crazy that she didn’t make sure to bring her handbag on stage with her. It could have just been an opportunity to show off how fancy she is with her Chanel. But I’d like to theorize that her bag contained documents related to her job as Santa’s new reindeer, Twerker. Imagine how catchy that would sound: “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Twerker!” Forget Rudolph; Twerker can illuminate Santa’s way on foggy nights by the light of her joint.
(Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images for Clear Channel)