In the most random celebrity news you'll hear all weekend, Barron Hilton, brother of Paris, was repeatedly punched in the face by an unknown assailant. That in itself isn't exactly newsworthy, but the fact that Barron (the Hiltons aren't exactly great baby-namers, huh?) is accusing Lindsay Lohan of orchestrating the attack is something worth noting.
I hear you all wondering, "Wait, when did we get into a time machine?" because this headline is very 2007. I mean, Paris Hilton is smart enough to know who Nelson Mandela is and Lindsay Lohan is supposedly living the clean life these days! How could these two reformed pillars of morality end up in such a predicament?
Apparently, Barron was partying at a Miami mansion this weekend, where Lindsay I Only Snorted Cocaine, Like, Five Times Lohan was also in attendance. Barron claims Lindsay accused him of talking trash, and then had a male friend beat the crap out of him. And for all of you skeptics out there, Barron immediately took to Instagram to showcase his injuries – just like a true Hilton, staying out of the limelight and sweeping scandal under the rug discreetly!
"They both will pay for what they did. No one fucks with my family and gets away with it!"
Paris and Nicky also took to Twitter to share some passive-aggressive feelings on the alleged incident.
Karma's a bitch…
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) December 7, 2013
Bad things happen when you hang out with bad people.
— Nicky Hilton (@NickyHilton) December 8, 2013
For her part, Lindsay Lohan has been keeping pretty quiet – as mob Dons are wont to do.