Mark your calendars, you guys, because today is the day that Lindsay Lohan and her nipple broke the internet.
As far as the gossipy eye can see in every direction, there are sites exclaiming ‘Lindsay Lohan Posts Her Nipples On Instagram! See The NSFW Pics HERE! (Perez Hilton), ‘Lindsay Lohan Bares Nipple on Instagram’ (GossipCop), Lindsay Lohan Nipple: Exposed in Instagram Selfie! (The Hollywood Gossip), and Giant Flaming Lohanipple Devours Internet And Spits Out Sexy Smoldering Carcass!!1!! (nonexistent news outlet I made up just now).
(Oh and also my coworker Sam from our sister site The Gloss, who is so determined to start a cross-site war that she started writing her counter-argument before I’d even published this one. It is so on.)
But the thing is, after I dutifully trotted over to Lindsay’s Instagram to see the damage for myself…I’m pretty sure there isn’t a nipple in that photo. In fact I’d even go so far as to say it’s safe for work, as long as they’re okay with employing someone who actively follows LiLo’s Instagram.
Does the lower left corner stray into the pinkish Land of Areola? Sure. Can we use our eyes and brain and logic to intuit that there is indeed a nipple at the end of that vague expanse of breast? Absolutely. You have come to the right conclusion — that Lindsay Lohan does indeed have nipples — but because you neglected to show your work, I can’t give you credit even though your solution is ultimately correct.
I think what it comes down to is that saying ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’. If we all just plug the word ‘nipple’ into that sentence instead of the word ‘love’, I think I’ve solved the case. Perhaps because you’ve seen elements of Lindsay’s breasts before, you’re expecting to see them again? I just can’t think of any other way that so many people across the internet willed a fleshy breast-protuberance into existence. But well done regardless. Phantom nipple high five.