From Swifties To Beliebers, Your Guide To Understanding All The Crazy Fans Out There

Fans In Crowd Screaming(via)

These are crazy times we’re living in here in 2013. It seems like every day there’s a new teenager on the scene singing songs and dancing around and just basically making me feel old. And with Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and whatever, they tend to get famous much more quickly than anyone was ever able to before. Which is fun, because you have to stay up to the minute and aware of all the new music out there…but it also means their fan bases get out of control SO FAST. So fast, you guys. The fastest.

And if you have a job like I do, writing up the trials and tribulations of these young stars, or even if you’ve ever posted a snarky tweet in your life, you’ve probably tangled with the people who love them. And not just love them, but love them so hard that they will threaten your life if you say the wrong thing about the object of their affection.

But we’re educated people, here, and we know that all fan bases are not created equally — so in the interest of staying educated, I’m gonna walk you through the step-by-step process of understanding the differences between them. It may not help you when they’re blizzarding bizarre threats at you on Twitter for saying Austin Mahone is the next Justin Bieber (happened), but if you ever encounter a rabid fan in a dark alley and have no idea what they’re ranting about, this guide will help you figure out who you’re dealing with, from Directioners to Selenators to Little Monsters.

It’s all about preparation, friends. Know your foe. It’s a jungle out there. (And other inspiring quotes, etcetera.) GODSPEED.

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    • jane

      What is OG (referenced in the Madonna section)?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Original gangster.

    • Jennifer

      Team Breezy are the worst. I saw a post on Tumblr along the lines of *picture of Chris Brown* Don’t judge someone by one mistake. One mistake is fine, but beating the crap out of someone, never understanding why people didn’t get over it, being rude, being violent etc. is more than one mistake. SMH I can’t with those people. Sorry for the rant. Loves the article :)

    • Ruby L

      I’m so happy there are still people in this world who recognize Madonna as the OG who no one compares to.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Hahaha of course!

    • Lajya

      I think Twihard’s weaknesses are Rupert Sanders and Potterheads.

    • jenley2013

      Jennifer Lawrence has the Lawsbians… which I think discriminates the dudes.

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    • SK

      Love the site and hate to sound like the uppity and disagreeable commenter, but it should probably be noted that in the sentence “two fan bases I’ve never had a problem with, by the way, because I have nothing but love for their idols” that last bit is the important part. Most fanbases are delightful and passionate “in the good way” when you’re a fan of the celebrity or franchise they’re built around, and similarly every fanbase mentioned here has less charming sections.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Not uppity or disagreeable! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I mostly just included the fan bases that have threatened my own death, so that limited my selection somewhat.

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