These are crazy times we’re living in here in 2013. It seems like every day there’s a new teenager on the scene singing songs and dancing around and just basically making me feel old. And with Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and whatever, they tend to get famous much more quickly than anyone was ever able to before. Which is fun, because you have to stay up to the minute and aware of all the new music out there…but it also means their fan bases get out of control SO FAST. So fast, you guys. The fastest.
And if you have a job like I do, writing up the trials and tribulations of these young stars, or even if you’ve ever posted a snarky tweet in your life, you’ve probably tangled with the people who love them. And not just love them, but love them so hard that they will threaten your life if you say the wrong thing about the object of their affection.
But we’re educated people, here, and we know that all fan bases are not created equally — so in the interest of staying educated, I’m gonna walk you through the step-by-step process of understanding the differences between them. It may not help you when they’re blizzarding bizarre threats at you on Twitter for saying Austin Mahone is the next Justin Bieber (happened), but if you ever encounter a rabid fan in a dark alley and have no idea what they’re ranting about, this guide will help you figure out who you’re dealing with, from Directioners to Selenators to Little Monsters.
It’s all about preparation, friends. Know your foe. It’s a jungle out there. (And other inspiring quotes, etcetera.) GODSPEED.