• Mon, Dec 2 - 8:56 am ET

If There’s Anything Christmasy About The Kardashian Family Christmas Card, I Can’t Find It

Kardashian Family Christmas Card 2013Where do I even begin with this Kardashian family Christmas card? By now we’ve gotten used to this family’s affinity for Photoshop and ridiculousness, but they’ve reached whole new levels of WTF with this one. This year they decided to ignore the whole point of their card — that it’s for Christmas — and just pose dramatically in an artsy environment with absolutely nothing Christmasy or even wintery in sight. If you find something related to Christmas in this photo, please let me know. It might be like a “Where’s Waldo?” situation.

The card, which the family premiered last night in advance of their E! Christmas special — which they filmed in September — features the family members posing in some kind of abandoned casino. I like to imagine this is what their mansion will look like in ten years when they start the descent into Has Been Town. Haha, just kidding. That will never happen. We’re stuck with these people forever.

The card, shot by David LaChapelle, was initially supposed to be just for the ladies of the family, but as explained on last night’s special, Bruce Jenner was upset that he wouldn’t be included, so they let him participate. But as you can see in the closeup below, his presence isn’t the most glamorous. In case you can’t tell, he is literally trapped in a glass tube, doing an impression of Riff Raff from Rocky Horror, pawing at the sides like a mime, while Kris Jenner smirks next to him. Art really does imitate life.

Kardashian Family Christmas Card 2013 Kris and BruceKanye West, Scott Disick and Lamar Odom were all left out of the photo without the honor of being trapped in their own tubes. As you can see, Kourtney’s kids Mason and Penelope were included — with Mason looking utterly exhausted from spending time with these people — but North West was nowhere to be found. I guess that baby with a halo thing in the background up there might represent her. She is the daughter of a god, after all.

You can see more closeups over at E! Online, but can we discuss how wide this photo is? Is this card going to just be enormous? Is each one going to get driven by its own SUV and then carried into the recipients’ houses with a man carrying each end? I wouldn’t put it past this family. I wouldn’t put anything past this family. Merry Krismas!

(Images: David LaChapelle, via E!)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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  • Lajya

    Mason is beyond saving now, he has already crossed over to the dark side *sigh*

    BUT SOMEONE SAVE PENELOPE SCOTT DISICK!!!

    • Jill O’Rourke

      We need to start wearing SAVE PENELOPE T-shirts.

    • Lajya

      And don’t forget North! (the person, not the direction)

    • Stacey Judith

      Oh those cheeks!! :)

    • MommaJen

      look at the pleading in her adorable face and the reaching out of her hands as if to say “please dear sane people. save me from the fates that tie me to these wretched people”

  • Alexis Rhiannon

    I think they’ve finally lost the awareness of the difference between a Christmas card and a promo for the next season of their reality show.

  • Ruby L

    And where is Rob?

    • Jenni

      They forgot to tell him. He’s the Kevin McCallister of the Kardashians.

  • Kris Kufta

    I think I may have found an “image” of North if you look all the way to the right you see a baby boy (to the right of Bruce in his tube)! And I also think I may have found a reference to Christmas! Look to the right of the large $ sign and you will see the pyramid, then look up above and that appears to be the marquis with the radio city rockettes, kinda? There is so much darkness in this photo that it really creeps me out and I consider myself an artist!

    • Lisa

      I think I found another reference to Christmas: If you look under the marquis of the Radio City Rockettes that you mentioned, there is an image of a mother and her child, both with halos over their heads. This seems to be a depiction of the Virgin Mary and the Infant Jesus. (Honestly, though, this is just pure speculation. This card is so…surreal, to say the least!)

  • Nerd Hellverso
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  • aurora dicaprio

    wth how that a christms card looks like vegas