Sweet, simple Britney Spears is in trouble yet again for trying to understand the vast, confusing world outside of her own head. She’s been dinged on previous occasions for making kind of obliviously offensive comments about gay people, and she’s back in action now trying to puzzle out exactly what makes them so cool and different from regular people who do normal stuff like be attracted to the opposite sex.
First of all, she was really shocked to find out she’d even said anything borderline not-okay, as an interviewer with PrideSource discovered when they asked her how she’d been affected by the controversy after she referred to her gay fans as ‘adorable’:
“Wait, what? Who felt the other way? I would never say anything to be mean to them. I love my gay fans. Gay people are always usually my best friends in the whole world. I completely adore them.”
Poor Britney. She can’t imagine how her comments could have been misinterpreted, when it’s perfectly obvious that she loves her gays. Loves when they snuffle around and kiss her on her face and swarm over her in that adorable way they have. Gays are like puppies, right? Really inspirational puppies.
“I get inspiration from [gay fans] on almost all of my songs. They’re somewhat girls, so it’s so inspiring to do stuff that they like to hear, like the cool ‘in’ stuff. Whatever I do for each record is definitely inspired by them.”
Yup, that’s right! Gay people are ‘somewhat girls’, so they’re really convenient to have around to know what’s cool and trending! They’re like adorable pop culture canaries that let you know when the air gets especially trendy by passing out from excitement. With so many convenient uses for gay people, it’s a wonder everyone doesn’t love them!
“I mean, I hang out with gays all the time. They always surprise me. [Slang] changes weekly, you know?”
Oh yeah I forgot to mention! If you keep them happy enough by patting them on their little homosexual heads, these adorable creatures can even teach you a new language! Work, bitch! Now we’re having fun!
But don’t worry, guys, there’s enough fun to go around, because Britney says that her new album Britney Jean is probably her gayest yet:
“I would say so, yes. I just feel like it has that feeling. You can’t really put your finger on it. It just really has that feeling of…that.”
Sorry Brit, you seem to be struggling with your words a little, so let me help you out — IT’S GOT THAT BIG GAY FEELING. Does your finger feel a little more ‘on it’ now?
But sadly, even this deep connectedness with their people isn’t quite enough to make Britney feel like like she can really coexist with The Gays. When asked if she considers herself an icon, she says:
“I don’t know about that. But I know I do have gay fans.”
Oh Britney. Congratulations on getting your sweet, simple foot even further into your sweet, simple mouth. I’m honestly impressed.
(Photo: FayesVision / WENN.com)