I’m not huge kid person. Don’t get me wrong, I think they’re very adorable and we should nurture them to be the best they can be. I just don’t really want to be the one to do the nurturing. Since I don’t have any younger siblings and never babysat or spent a whole lot of time with children, most of my experience with them has been when they cry in restaurants or show up in my favorite TV shows and movies.
Come to think of it, this might be why I have such a “meh, no thanks” view of them. But come on, have you seen some of the movies out there about kids and/or pregnancy? Hollywood doesn’t always make it look so appealing. You never know what monster the stork is going to bring you or what crummy circumstances you’ll have to raise that precious gift under. So I thought I’d share a few films that made me realize that I never want to have children. If you already have kids and you’re reading this, congratulations. If it’s anything like in the movies, I salute you.
Surprisingly, it’s not even the teen pregnancy part of this movie that upsets me, since it doesn’t exactly take a harsh look at the trend. What upsets me is the way things turn out for Jennifer Garner. Sure she still chooses to raise the baby without her asshole husband and seems happy, but that’s still such a depressing betrayal.
2. Rosemary’s Baby
How do I know for sure that the baby in my belly isn’t Satan’s spawn? I don’t know for sure. And that’s why I’m not going to risk it.
3. Home Alone
Ugh, this movie was highly entertaining to me as a kid, but as an adult it just stresses me out. Not only do I worry that I might become the kind of parent who goes on vacation and leaves her son behind, but I also don’t want to end up with such a maniacal kid. Sure it makes him able to fend for himself, but you just know Kevin McAllister is in jail now.
4. The Good Son
Yep, another Macaulay Culkin movie. He just rubs me the wrong way in pretty much everything besides My Girl (sob). Here he happens to be a murderous little psychopath. There’s always the chance I’ll end up with the sweet little Elijah Wood type, but I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.
5. Knocked Up
Not since I masochistically watched A Baby Story on TV as a kid has the idea of childbirth freaked me out so much. Okay, scratch that, watching Kourtney Kardashian pulling her baby out of her own body was pretty bad too.