• Fri, Nov 29 - 3:00 pm ET

The Family Stone Is The Most Depressing Christmas Movie Ever And I’ll Tell You Why

The family stone isn't there anybody that loves me

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I remember going to see The Family Stone in theaters with my own family during the 2005 holiday season. “It’s going to be a super fun rom-com about a dysfunctional family,” I recall telling everyone, “and it stars Carrie Bradshaw, so you know it will be good.” I’ve misled a lot of people about a lot of things in life, but this could be the worst misleading that I’ve ever done. The Family Stone isn’t a rom-com. It’s a tragedy. Of epic proportions. I think I laughed once. But only out of pure discomfort. So let’s use the beginning of the 2013 holiday season to talk about this horrendous movie.

It starts off with Everett (Dermot Mulroney) bringing his girlfriend, Meredith (Carrie Bradshaw) home to meet his family. I know what you’re thinking, but no, it’s nothing like Meet the Parents. Mostly because no one is in this movie’s likable. Also because we’re supposed to hate Meredith from the start. You see, she’s VERY uptight. We know she’s uptight because she’s wearing a formal business suit to meet her boyfriend’s family. Also her hair’s in the tightest bun imaginable. Why she would dress like she’s running a funeral home when she’s meeting her boyfriend’s family for the first makes no sense. But sure, let’s go with it.

As soon as Everett’s family meets Meredith, they hate her. Probably because they’re judgmental pricks who think their son deserves someone better than a NY Post sex columnist. Yes, despite supposedly being super liberal and open to everything, they write off Meredith right away. Mama Stone (Diane Keaton, because Meryl Streep was busy) actually acts offended when Meredith says she doesn’t want to share a bed with Everett in their house. While I think faux-prudery is stupid, I do get it. Not everyone wants to kick off their relationship with their boyfriend’s family by reminding them that they sleep together on the reg. Amy Stone (Rachel McAdams, from her pre time-travel days) hates her because she’s not a NPR-listening loose-skirt wearing hippie. Which we can all agree is an invalid reason to hate someone. Oh also, she clears her throat a lot. An annoying tick, yes? A reason to go out of her way to be mean to her? No. And fine, I’ll concede that I’d be annoyed too if I had to vacate my room for my sister’s boyfriend. But that’s the Stone’s fault. I find it hard to believe there’s not an extra bedroom in that big old house of theirs. Maybe they can make space by kicking out their oldest daughter, who adds approximately NOTHING to the plot.

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  • Cee

    THANK YOU!

    My Notebook loving lady family members loooved this movie and had me watch it and I fucking hated the crap out of this movie.

    Everyone in the family was a total dick to Meredith. They meet her and they hate her at first sight, yet they loved Claire Danes at first sight?! Then they totally love Meredith when she gets with the other brother? What gives?! My cousins would always cry during this movie.

    Ugh that argument made me cringe so much that I actually faked having to go to the bathroom after it because I was afraid it would be brought up again. I totally get what Meredith was trying to say and agree with her. Not many parents wish they had gay children, not because gay children suck (gay child here) but because parents would be very scared for them and how they would be treated by others. In real life, Diane would probably be quite worried about her disabled gay son and his black gay boyfriend, especially depending on where they live, but yea sure, pick a fight with Meredith over a valid point because you are sooo liberal, open minded and quirky!

    • Jenni

      Also, I know Diane knew what she was trying to say. She was just being a heinous bitch to someone her son liked a lot.

  • Paula R. Stiles

    God, I hated this movie so much. I’m not even a huge Sarah Jessica Parker fan, but I felt sorry for her character. And I kept hoping somebody would drop a house on Amy Adams’ obnoxious sister. I checked out of it about halfway through and skimmed the rest. I understand the writer/director, Thomas Bezucha, also penned “Monte Carlo.” I’ll make a point of giving that one a miss, too.

    • Jenni

      I usually hate SJP, but this movie made me feel awkward-sorry for her, which is something I’ve never experienced before.

  • Nina

    Thank you, this movie…well it just blows

    • Jenni

      Thank you for agreeing with me!

  • Marie

    I made the mistake of watching this movie after my mom passed away. That was one horrible desicion.

  • Carol

    Pretty sure I didn’t enjoy this movie much either but If you’re going to dis a movie at least get the names right. Carrie Bradshaw was Sarah Jessica Parker’s character’s name in Sex In the City. Geesh!

  • ALE515

    I remember the trailer showing laughter and hijinks. I was not ready to bawl my eyes out at the end!

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