Last night Amber Riley won the seventeenth season of Dancing With the Stars. You know Dancing With the Stars. It’s that show where a bunch of celebrities with absolutely no dance experience try something they, like I said, have no experience doing. Oh wait, I’m wrong. It’s actually the show where performers who actually do have dance experience win a competition that’s supposed to be about not knowing how to dance in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people who haven’t danced as part of their careers and still pull off amazing performances on this show. But year after year the show still casts stars with dance backgrounds against has-beens who are mostly there for a laugh. Amber Riley may not have ever been seriously trained in ballroom dancing before this show, but she has been on Glee for five seasons, so she has experience learning choreographed dance numbers.
Let’s look back at fifteen other stars who really shouldn’t have been allowed on the show due to the fact that they already knew how to dance beyond just making a fool of themselves on prom night.
1. Joey McIntyre
Joey came in third place during the first season. I’ve seen those old New Kids on the Block videos, Joey. I know you can bust a choreographed move. Sure the waltz isn’t the same as whatever those moves were, but it’s still dancing, gosh darn it.
2. Drew Lachey
Another season, another boy band member. This time Drew Lachey actually won the whole competition. Hey Drew, remember when you were in that group called 98 Degrees and you danced along to your music?
3. Sabrina Bryan
There was a lot of controversy when Sabrina was kicked off her season in seventh place, because people were convinced she was going to win. Why? Because she was a super talented dancer. Why? Because she was in a little group called The Cheetah Girls and learned group choreography.
4. Mel B
Mel B made it to second place with some amazing dance skills that were probably influenced, at least a little bit, by all that time she spent grooving with the Spice Girls in the ’90s.
5. Joey Fatone
I saw you do that “Bye Bye Bye” puppet dance with *NSYNC, Joey. I watched that video like seven times a day when I was ten. Don’t even try to deny it. That’s why you made it to second place.
6. Shawn Johnson
Shawn is a professional gold-medal-winning gymnast. It’s not dancing, per se, but it still takes plenty of coordination, precision and flexibility, all things that are also required in dancing. That’s why she made it to first place.
7. Kristi Yamaguchi
Okay, figure skating is pretty much dancing with blades on your feet. And Krisi Yamaguchi won a gold medal for it. So is it any surprise that she went home with the mirror ball trophy?