Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Harry Styles just said he was single on Good Morning America, and now I’m shaking in my boots with fear for him. Which is crazy, because I’m not even wearing boots today — I’m just shaking so hard with nervousness that I can tell it’s shaking my closet at home.
And the reason is this: what if Taylor Swift saw that? As devotees of the gossip news cycle and people who believe everything we hear, we know that Harry and Taylor are currently in the process of breathing life back into Haylor, the creature formed by their couple status that has lain dormant these past twelve or so months ever since their devastating break-up.
And if there’s one thing that will stop Taylor from completing another round of CPR in an attempt to revive Haylor and bring it back to the glory of its be-sweatered Central Park Zoo days, it’s looking up to her television and seeing Harry’s hand shoot into the air with Niall Horan‘s when One Direction was asked which of them are single.
Oh boy. Oh man. Aw gee. We’ll just have to hope that Taylor doesn’t get cable up at her McMansion in Rhode Island, or that Meredith was insisting on re-watching Titanic this morning when the fateful moment occurred, causing her loving mistress to miss it. That’s the only thing we can cling to in all of this.
Although I don’t know that it matters, now that I think about it, because there’s absolutely no way that Kris Jenner didn’t see that. She has the television on at all times, even when she takes her diamond milk baths (soaking in the liquid squeezed out of diamonds, duh), and she’s had her eye on Harry ever since he dipped his pen in the Jenner
Family Company ink by dating Kendall Jenner and then failing to mention it three days later.
It’s a dangerous world in which to be single right now, Harry. I hope you know what you’re doing.