Remember that time that Aaliyah sang that “age ain’t nothin’ but a number?” Well, she was absolutely talking about the citizens of the Great Time Vacuum that is Hollywood, where you can turn 25 for each birthday if you so please. But, for every Kris Jenner, who sucks the youth from her children while they sleep, there is a celebrity who is just chugging along, maturing at normal human speeds. Which leaves us at this great place where you can mention two celebrities, discover that they are the same age, and then promptly go into cardiac arrest from extreme shock. This happens to me on the reg.
Anyway, medical issues aside, I’ve just been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how these 26 celebrities are even the same species, let alone the same ages.
1. David Beckham and Bradley Cooper
(Photo: Patrick Hoffmann, WENN/Sean Thorton/WENN)
One is a multinational treasure with a family (full of impossibly pretty people, holy crap) and the other is currently fake dating someone who just finished being a teenager a little while ago. Like, it’s your choice, buddy, but just know that Suki is anti-aging you, in a weird Benjamin Button sort of way.
2. John Mayer and Kerry Washington
(Photo: Dominic Chan, WENN/ FayesVision/WENN)
Somehow, famous man-child, John, is somehow the same age as the shining gem of maturity and poise, Kerry. I don’t know which alternate dimensions these two grew up in but I’d say that John has a lot of catching up to do as far as his age to maturity ratio is concerned.
3. Harry Styles and Justin Bieber
When Justin isn’t busy peeing on everything and, most recently, disrespecting entire nations, he’s actually a 19 year-old infant. Meanwhile, Harry, is constantly impressing me by being wise beyond his years. So Justin seems half his age and Harry seems double. Crazy things going on here, folks.
4. Shia Labeouf and Drake
(Photo: WENN/ Andres Otero, WENN)
Shia is the strange, always-nude soul that sort of lurks around Hollywood, looking for the very weirdest roles. And Drake is showing him up by being the best version of a 27 year-old, while Shia does… whatever it is that he does.
5. Paris Hilton and Beyonce Knowles
(Photo: Revolutionpix, WENN / WENN)
I think the problem here is that Paris spent so much of her career trying to convince everyone that she’s really really dumb, that I can’t take her seriously now, no matter how much she’s “matured.” Meanwhile Beyonce is a saint descended upon us and for some reason that makes her seem older and wiser.