For reasons I can’t explain, Justin Bieber has released a short film called ‘The Key’ to promote his latest venture, a perfume for ladies who like a subtle scent of brothel at their wrists and behind their ears. At least, he thinks he’s released a short film, but what he’s actually put out there is a public service announcement warning young girls to keep their hotel rooms locked up tight. (And no, I’m not using the phrase ‘hotel rooms’ as a euphemism for vagine. Although you ladies should also keep those shut tight around Justin as well, based on what I’ve been hearing.)
The plot line isn’t totally clear, but from what I can gather, Justin wants you to buy his new perfume and then check into a special hotel, where apparently no door is closed to him. He parks his fancy car out front and waits until you’re asleep to let himself into your abode and interrupt your REM cycle for a fantastic adventure involving skipping through the halls and laughing into each others’ mouths. How can you think of sleeping when there are pianos to be played and macarons to be juggled and lipstick to be applied and frosting to be smeared on unsuspecting mouths! HOW I ASK YOU.
Ultimately, the video is either a PSA for never staying in the Justin Bieber Grand Hotel First Class, where the doors are opened by old-timey keys, or a shot-for-shot breakdown of all Justin Bieber’s fetishes. He wants to live in a hotel where he can open every lock, and three different ladies snooze and wake at his beck and call. As soon as the sun goes down, he can do whatever he wants, and sometimes that’s slipping into his favorite outfit and showing up at your door with a wedding cake. Is it for you? For him? For your wedding to him? Who knows. Just buy the perfume and don’t ask questions. Oh and sleep with one eye open and a barf bag at the ready. Just to be safe.